be by my side

When you look into the eyes of the person you care for and you see in them so much love for you, it is a moment that can invoke many emotions.

I see them in his eyes when he is observing me quietly. When he speaks to me of his feelings towards me.

I wish he will always be by my side. I wish he will be mine always.

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ah, my sweetie pie

I realise that I've been neglecting this blog as of late because I'm too busy updating the other blog. It's not that I've migrated platforms (I never will - I've been using Blogspot since it became famous after Diaryland) or that I've gotten lazy - it's just that I've been at a loss of ideas. Life has become a bit of a routine and my left nostril's feeling itchy but the sneeze just won't come.

After a long, long wait, Detective Conan Vol. 64 is out! Yay!

On the other side of the spectrum, I think the flu is kicking in. Boooo... does that mean H1N1 for me? It had better not be. The Langkawi trip is coming up next week and God forbid that I be forced to live in solitary confinement, wasting the time away by staring at my toenails until they grow a micrometre.

However, if my situation worsens, I will have to take sick leave tomorrow. The left nostril is a bit 'stuck' as it is, pending sneeze. I can also already feel the phlegm stickying up my throat. I tried singing earlier and the voice isn't coming out as smoothly as it should.

Dammit. I hate getting sick.

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back to the usual thing, the RC game

Hi ho, hi ho, I'm home from Sabah and I'm playing my Restaurant City game. Wow. How pathetic. That was the first thing I did upon coming home actually. Went straight to my room, turned on the laptop and I straight away logged into Facebook to play the game.

I must be damned. Or something.

Noel is still in Singapore. I hope he is enjoying himself and I hope he got some nice things for himself. He doesn't seem to shop at all and spending on himself definitely does not include booze and cigarettes. Such a definition does not exist in my world.

Anyway, I sort of miss him. But not really. I wonder why.

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so long, yet so short

I was reluctant to leave him and immediately upon leaving him, regretted that we had to part ways.

I am depressed as of late.

It's getting harder to wake up in the mornings.

He doesn't like seeing me down and tries his best to encourage me but I'm too tired to think of ways to be cheerful.

I would rather not ride the tide because this tide, it's causing me to feel anxious and agitated. I would, if I had the choice, choose to curl myself into a ball and disappear into oblivion. A better alternative would be to have him hug me tight.

I would rest my cheek on his warm, firm shoulder and inhale the light scent of his perfume and forget about the world.

Can you believe that it's only been three months? We started going out mid-January and only decided to go steady in April. But it feels so, so long owing to the many hours we spend together every day.

All of a sudden, it feels like so many things have happened and that there will be many more to come. We have gone on holiday two months ago. There are two more trips to come and we will be "moving in" together next month.

There are talks of taking the relationship further but that, is still pretty much uncertain. We are waiting to see how it'll go by the end of the year and I hope I'm not being one-sided in this.

Every day, I have a person to fall back on. He is my most special person, you know? He holds my hands and gives me hugs. Whenever he smiles and the corners of his eyes crinkle, I reach out a hand to touch those crinkles. I like resting my cheek on his shoulder.

He'll always catch me, you know. I'm sure of that. He will never let me wander alone. He will always catch up, you know? And I'm certain as certain that he only has eyes for me. I know. I just know because I don't have to worry with him.

But I hope that he will cut down on the cigarettes at least.

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an ode to onions

Maybe you would have known by now that I'm totally addicted to that Playfish game on Facebook - Restaurant City. It's all I ever play these days.

But. But!!!

I am frustrated! I am not getting onions on my first friend visits! Onions are not sold at the ingredient market! And nobody is willing to trade me an onion!

And so, the quest for the elusive onion continues.

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my heart is like the raging waves

Twenty minutes ago: My heart was like the raging waves, dark and angry.

Now: I am simmering beneath the surface and my face is a mask of no emotion. The anger is subsiding and a feeling of tiredness creeps into my being.

I don't know if I should be mad at myself or mad at him for today's 'miscommunication', reminiscent of so many such similar incidents from before. I went home in a huff and I feel like kicking myself so hard that maybe I'd get a seizure and just die. Then I wouldn't have to feel as crappy as I do now.

You know, when it all boils down to the plainness of the situation. I am not giving him enough breathing space to do the things that he likes, like doing stuff with his mates. Although he claims that all his spare time he wants to spend with me, there is no doubt that there must also be a part of him that wants to spend his time with others - and that is why we oftentimes come to a situation where he tries to merge both, I know.

So maybe it's best that I give this matter a bit of thought and maybe it's also best that I spend less time with him now so that it doesn't feel odd on the days that I don't get to see him. So I'll feel less dejected.

We should start reverting back to the old days when we saw each other thrice a week at most. He'd have time for futsal then. Drinks with the boys. Dinner with the colleagues, whom some I detest.

And then I'll go back to being me. The lonely me. The one who does her own shopping and goes out for sushi on her own.

I can't hold him down.

I'm tired. My heart beats with a dull thud.

I don't want to think anymore.

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DaiCon 2009: A good flop?

What makes an event a successful event? Good floor layout? Good sound system? Good attractions? Good crowd? All?

In the case of DaiCon 2009, an ACG (anime, comics and games) event held at MMU Cyberjaya, the only good thing I got to notice in the few hours I was there last Saturday was a better floor layout than what I'd seen at the previous ACG event I had attended which was HELP's C2AGE.

If C2AGE was rated one over five stars, DaiCon's only two.

In other words, not that fantastic.

Which, is a pity considering the kind of hype it had over the event way in advance. They had a snazzy looking website promoting the event and they even managed to rope in a seiyuu all the way from Japan to perform but again, this goes to show that things can always go wrong if you've failed to nail down the itty-bitty details.

Like Point Numero Uno: I was told that there was going to be a maid cafe. I'm no otaku by far but I thought it'd be something different to be served coffee and cake by girls in maid uniform and had looked forward to it. So I saw all these maids, right? And I had no idea if they were just random maid cosplayers or the ones who were supposed to work the cafe but I didn't see any cafe.

I did though, see the Nescafe truck and there was this Indian uncle OK, and he was serving people free instant coffee in the little paper cups. And not to be racist or anything (the point's not about the uncle to begin with) but I actually wondered if the organisers had gotten the idea of a cafe all wrong and decided that coffee was best served in paper cups, the instant way, and from a small booth set up next to a truck. I nearly asked the uncle, "Uncle, mana itu costume maid uncle?" but I decided that I had better not risk my free cup of coffee since I really wanted a drink.

Point Numero... uh, Duo?: Only questions submitted to the DaiCon committee AND that were approved will be asked during Minori Chihara's Q and A session. Said, a media friend who received an e-mail notifying the ruling two days prior to the event. The last minute-ness of the whole thing was because the committee had forgotten to notify the media much earlier.

Said media friend also decided to screw the whole thing altogether after getting so bored, going round and round the hall for a few times and realising that the attractions only amounted to a few booths selling artwork, a few booths selling shirts and other things, a makeup booth whose products you can find in Guardian and Watson's, a few booths displaying figurines and a bunch of cosplayers whose costumes were all right but not too fantastic.

A seiyuu comes all the way from Japan and the media were not granted exclusive one-on-one interviews but forced to sit in on the Q and A session with the rest of the paying fans. This was a far cry from previous interviews had with two other seiyuus who had made appearances at previous years' ACG events, namely Mr Tuxedo Mask and the guy who voices Ichigo Kurosaki.

Ah, let's screw it. The said media person is me. I had a one-on-one with Mr Tuxedo Mask, which was fantastic because although most reporters will tend to ask similar questions, at least they are able to write about their individual experiences or get a few questions asked differently (if lucky). Even when I was unable to attend last year's event that had Ichigo, thanks to the local PR team for Animax which is Roots, was still able to get a one-to-one phone interview with said seiyuu.

Because, your boss will not like it if you wrote the same stuff the other media wrote. In fact, my boss will tell me, since the other paper has the shit, let's just scrap it or yay, let's just rely on Bernama (but that's usually for news stuff).

Anyway, I'm rambling but why do people need to pay to see Chihara, whom some people (who spoke to me at the event) have labeled a "manufactured idol"? Why can't it be an attraction for all? To me, it seems like discrimination on the organisers part and a bit of a ripoff. I say, a ripoff because she is supposed to be a major crowd-pulling factor and yet, you are denying the crowd a reason to remain at the event longer than necessary (since the attractions got boring after a while).

The conclusion is, it's not an entirely bad event (although some of the karaoke contestants were scary and there was this mysterious long line for people to buy I don't know what). I was told that due to certain "political rifts" within the organising committee and the ACG club, a lot of things managed to get botched up and ended up the way they had.

However, a lesson to be learnt is this: Having a big name at your event (like with C2AGE and its Hannah Tan) does not necessarily guarantee it a success. It draws in some crowds and keeps some visitors happy (like the pervs, don't we know?) but if it has the visitors coming home and saying that this sucked and that sucked, you know that your event definitely needs a lot more improving.

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