three buttons on my cap

It's just not my yearrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sexual harrassment, attempted rape(!), verbal abuse, a tiny snake!
Maggots in my muffin, makes for yucky stuffin',
Apple juice, lemonade, watch it foo', they got laid,
Lalalalalalaaaaaaaa~ tralalalalalalaaaaaaaa~
And it all falls down.

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sleeping giraffe

The special guy will take me to watch the stars in the sky as we munch on Mars bars and lean against his car.
The special guy will kiss me on the roof of a building and carry me up in his arms, making me feel so tall with a feeling that I could float forever.
The special guy will buy me an electric-operated Ferris wheel ornament.
The special guy will tell me that he loves me and that it's not his fault that he fell in love with me.
The special guy will always give me a good morning kiss.
The special guy will never feel shy about kissing me on the cheek in public.
The special guy will kiss me in the lift and tell me that I look beautiful.

The special guy does not exist.

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somebody told me

Here I draw the line.

I've waited long enough and I'm not getting what I want.

I don't like being kept to wait. I'm going to stop waiting now.

Besides. There are the other things.. the small things that make me wonder if I can every step over them and pretend that they don't worry me. Irk me, sometimes.

My friend says I'm making up excuses or reasons, if you will, to get out of this.

Maybe. But your non-committal attitude contributed to it, too.

I never liked plans that never sounded like much of a plan. If I'm going to stick around for something uncertain that has as much chance of living like a goldfish in a muddy puddle, I might as well just kill that goldfish and concentrate on other things in my life.

Anyway you have too many things going on for you. Like your friends. Your.. drinking. And whatever.

I'm just a side dish that will never make it past the appetiser course.

So. Goodbye.

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lessons from gravitation

Was it wrong for me to love you? When all I wanted was to be by your side..

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feel my heart

If you can hear me..

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the crunch

Where has the drive gone? I need hate! I need hate and anger to spur me on to fight, be strong, to conquer!

Why do the tears fall at night? Silently they roll down my cheeks, staining my pillow wet.

I can't hate you anymore.

I've gone beyond that.

The anger, yes, it is still there.

My hand aches with pain, as do my heart. But my heart no longer has the capacity to hurt as much as it used to. It has broken too many times.

You can't break something that is already broken.

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cutting edge biomaterials

I'd nearly forgotten this messed up incident that happened to me when I was in my last year of uni.

There was a guy, a junior, I was friends with. From what I knew of him, he was somewhat withdrawn, choosing to watch anime over interacting with people. He had a few friends. And a troubled family background, from what he told me.

We were close for about a year before he started withdrawing from me. For a time, I had the distinct idea that he was avoiding me. And not just him, but also his two best friends, a couple, whom I also got to know through him.

I never bothered about it for an entire year until a friend of mine, who is a close friend of the guy's best friend told me the truth behind their avoidance.

It all started when the couple started getting attention from two weird characters via chat clients and e-mails. The guy wasn't so bad. Sexual harassment in the form of text isn't as disturbing as receiving threats on bodily harm (if she continued to be with her boyfriend) to the point that the girl was too scared to go all by herself to the shared dorm bathrooms at night.

Their friend, my troubled friend, relayed to them that he, too, was harassed by two girls which he revealed to be 'me' and a good friend of mine, who do not even know these three people in the first place.

The couple had to endure all this and at one point, the girl was ready to lodge a police report on the harassment when my friend, the close friend of the guy in the relationship, heard the whole tale and managed to convince the couple to sort it out with me to get to the bottom of things.

We met up.. we talked.. and we put two and two together.

Until today, I have no idea why the guy put myself into a sticky situation with a couple I barely knew when I had done nothing at all to him. He had decided to shy away from me on his own so he cannot say that is his way of revenge for the deteriorated friendship.

He did own up though, that he was upset that his friend was neglecting him more and more to hang out with his girl, and that the harassment was his way of punishing his friend and telling the girl to lay off the guy.

I was like, whatever. The guy's problem with his best friend, whether he wanted to be gay with him and stuff, is your problem. Why implicate me into his stupid agenda?

It's just a sad reminder to myself that I can never ever escape weirdos who always have an agenda of making my life a bigger nightmare than it already is. You know.. stuff like what the dog did to me. What Danny Tan did to me. What the police dude did to me. What Fu Ken did to me. What the girls did to me. What Helen did to me.

Why can't anyone ever be honest with me? Why do they need to hurt me again and again?

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