be by my side

When you look into the eyes of the person you care for and you see in them so much love for you, it is a moment that can invoke many emotions.

I see them in his eyes when he is observing me quietly. When he speaks to me of his feelings towards me.

I wish he will always be by my side. I wish he will be mine always.

Read More...

ah, my sweetie pie

I realise that I've been neglecting this blog as of late because I'm too busy updating the other blog. It's not that I've migrated platforms (I never will - I've been using Blogspot since it became famous after Diaryland) or that I've gotten lazy - it's just that I've been at a loss of ideas. Life has become a bit of a routine and my left nostril's feeling itchy but the sneeze just won't come.

After a long, long wait, Detective Conan Vol. 64 is out! Yay!

On the other side of the spectrum, I think the flu is kicking in. Boooo... does that mean H1N1 for me? It had better not be. The Langkawi trip is coming up next week and God forbid that I be forced to live in solitary confinement, wasting the time away by staring at my toenails until they grow a micrometre.

However, if my situation worsens, I will have to take sick leave tomorrow. The left nostril is a bit 'stuck' as it is, pending sneeze. I can also already feel the phlegm stickying up my throat. I tried singing earlier and the voice isn't coming out as smoothly as it should.

Dammit. I hate getting sick.

Read More...

back to the usual thing, the RC game

Hi ho, hi ho, I'm home from Sabah and I'm playing my Restaurant City game. Wow. How pathetic. That was the first thing I did upon coming home actually. Went straight to my room, turned on the laptop and I straight away logged into Facebook to play the game.

I must be damned. Or something.

Noel is still in Singapore. I hope he is enjoying himself and I hope he got some nice things for himself. He doesn't seem to shop at all and spending on himself definitely does not include booze and cigarettes. Such a definition does not exist in my world.

Anyway, I sort of miss him. But not really. I wonder why.

Read More...

so long, yet so short

I was reluctant to leave him and immediately upon leaving him, regretted that we had to part ways.

I am depressed as of late.

It's getting harder to wake up in the mornings.

He doesn't like seeing me down and tries his best to encourage me but I'm too tired to think of ways to be cheerful.

I would rather not ride the tide because this tide, it's causing me to feel anxious and agitated. I would, if I had the choice, choose to curl myself into a ball and disappear into oblivion. A better alternative would be to have him hug me tight.

I would rest my cheek on his warm, firm shoulder and inhale the light scent of his perfume and forget about the world.

Can you believe that it's only been three months? We started going out mid-January and only decided to go steady in April. But it feels so, so long owing to the many hours we spend together every day.

All of a sudden, it feels like so many things have happened and that there will be many more to come. We have gone on holiday two months ago. There are two more trips to come and we will be "moving in" together next month.

There are talks of taking the relationship further but that, is still pretty much uncertain. We are waiting to see how it'll go by the end of the year and I hope I'm not being one-sided in this.

Every day, I have a person to fall back on. He is my most special person, you know? He holds my hands and gives me hugs. Whenever he smiles and the corners of his eyes crinkle, I reach out a hand to touch those crinkles. I like resting my cheek on his shoulder.

He'll always catch me, you know. I'm sure of that. He will never let me wander alone. He will always catch up, you know? And I'm certain as certain that he only has eyes for me. I know. I just know because I don't have to worry with him.

But I hope that he will cut down on the cigarettes at least.

Read More...

an ode to onions

Maybe you would have known by now that I'm totally addicted to that Playfish game on Facebook - Restaurant City. It's all I ever play these days.

But. But!!!

I am frustrated! I am not getting onions on my first friend visits! Onions are not sold at the ingredient market! And nobody is willing to trade me an onion!

And so, the quest for the elusive onion continues.

Read More...

my heart is like the raging waves

Twenty minutes ago: My heart was like the raging waves, dark and angry.

Now: I am simmering beneath the surface and my face is a mask of no emotion. The anger is subsiding and a feeling of tiredness creeps into my being.

I don't know if I should be mad at myself or mad at him for today's 'miscommunication', reminiscent of so many such similar incidents from before. I went home in a huff and I feel like kicking myself so hard that maybe I'd get a seizure and just die. Then I wouldn't have to feel as crappy as I do now.

You know, when it all boils down to the plainness of the situation. I am not giving him enough breathing space to do the things that he likes, like doing stuff with his mates. Although he claims that all his spare time he wants to spend with me, there is no doubt that there must also be a part of him that wants to spend his time with others - and that is why we oftentimes come to a situation where he tries to merge both, I know.

So maybe it's best that I give this matter a bit of thought and maybe it's also best that I spend less time with him now so that it doesn't feel odd on the days that I don't get to see him. So I'll feel less dejected.

We should start reverting back to the old days when we saw each other thrice a week at most. He'd have time for futsal then. Drinks with the boys. Dinner with the colleagues, whom some I detest.

And then I'll go back to being me. The lonely me. The one who does her own shopping and goes out for sushi on her own.

I can't hold him down.

I'm tired. My heart beats with a dull thud.

I don't want to think anymore.

Read More...

DaiCon 2009: A good flop?

What makes an event a successful event? Good floor layout? Good sound system? Good attractions? Good crowd? All?

In the case of DaiCon 2009, an ACG (anime, comics and games) event held at MMU Cyberjaya, the only good thing I got to notice in the few hours I was there last Saturday was a better floor layout than what I'd seen at the previous ACG event I had attended which was HELP's C2AGE.

If C2AGE was rated one over five stars, DaiCon's only two.

In other words, not that fantastic.

Which, is a pity considering the kind of hype it had over the event way in advance. They had a snazzy looking website promoting the event and they even managed to rope in a seiyuu all the way from Japan to perform but again, this goes to show that things can always go wrong if you've failed to nail down the itty-bitty details.

Like Point Numero Uno: I was told that there was going to be a maid cafe. I'm no otaku by far but I thought it'd be something different to be served coffee and cake by girls in maid uniform and had looked forward to it. So I saw all these maids, right? And I had no idea if they were just random maid cosplayers or the ones who were supposed to work the cafe but I didn't see any cafe.

I did though, see the Nescafe truck and there was this Indian uncle OK, and he was serving people free instant coffee in the little paper cups. And not to be racist or anything (the point's not about the uncle to begin with) but I actually wondered if the organisers had gotten the idea of a cafe all wrong and decided that coffee was best served in paper cups, the instant way, and from a small booth set up next to a truck. I nearly asked the uncle, "Uncle, mana itu costume maid uncle?" but I decided that I had better not risk my free cup of coffee since I really wanted a drink.

Point Numero... uh, Duo?: Only questions submitted to the DaiCon committee AND that were approved will be asked during Minori Chihara's Q and A session. Said, a media friend who received an e-mail notifying the ruling two days prior to the event. The last minute-ness of the whole thing was because the committee had forgotten to notify the media much earlier.

Said media friend also decided to screw the whole thing altogether after getting so bored, going round and round the hall for a few times and realising that the attractions only amounted to a few booths selling artwork, a few booths selling shirts and other things, a makeup booth whose products you can find in Guardian and Watson's, a few booths displaying figurines and a bunch of cosplayers whose costumes were all right but not too fantastic.

A seiyuu comes all the way from Japan and the media were not granted exclusive one-on-one interviews but forced to sit in on the Q and A session with the rest of the paying fans. This was a far cry from previous interviews had with two other seiyuus who had made appearances at previous years' ACG events, namely Mr Tuxedo Mask and the guy who voices Ichigo Kurosaki.

Ah, let's screw it. The said media person is me. I had a one-on-one with Mr Tuxedo Mask, which was fantastic because although most reporters will tend to ask similar questions, at least they are able to write about their individual experiences or get a few questions asked differently (if lucky). Even when I was unable to attend last year's event that had Ichigo, thanks to the local PR team for Animax which is Roots, was still able to get a one-to-one phone interview with said seiyuu.

Because, your boss will not like it if you wrote the same stuff the other media wrote. In fact, my boss will tell me, since the other paper has the shit, let's just scrap it or yay, let's just rely on Bernama (but that's usually for news stuff).

Anyway, I'm rambling but why do people need to pay to see Chihara, whom some people (who spoke to me at the event) have labeled a "manufactured idol"? Why can't it be an attraction for all? To me, it seems like discrimination on the organisers part and a bit of a ripoff. I say, a ripoff because she is supposed to be a major crowd-pulling factor and yet, you are denying the crowd a reason to remain at the event longer than necessary (since the attractions got boring after a while).

The conclusion is, it's not an entirely bad event (although some of the karaoke contestants were scary and there was this mysterious long line for people to buy I don't know what). I was told that due to certain "political rifts" within the organising committee and the ACG club, a lot of things managed to get botched up and ended up the way they had.

However, a lesson to be learnt is this: Having a big name at your event (like with C2AGE and its Hannah Tan) does not necessarily guarantee it a success. It draws in some crowds and keeps some visitors happy (like the pervs, don't we know?) but if it has the visitors coming home and saying that this sucked and that sucked, you know that your event definitely needs a lot more improving.

Read More...

my mom's a bitch

My mom's a bitch. She is a bitter old woman who has nothing going for her in her life except to spend her days watching pointless Korean soaps. One day, I shall ship her off to an onsen resort in Japan and let her have her fun there and she shall no longer bother me you hear, she SHALL NO LONGER BOTHER ME.

In the meantime, if I get married to an Indian guy, he'd better get over his disappointment that I will not be making him homemade chapatti and dhal curry. All I'm going to do is to fry nuggets and that's that.

Read More...

wedding bells are screaming

I told my friends to never ever broach the subject of attending somebody's wedding reception to me unless there's a personal invitation with my name on it.

And then I got one from a former schoolmate - but via Facebook. Does that count as a personal invitation (the message did not list other recipients)?

On top of that, another friend just asked for my address so he could mail me an invite.

Oh, doobie-doo.

Everyone is so getting married.

And I am so going to be like Samantha from Sex and the City.

Read More...

there is only you and i tonight

We ran in the breeze, two spirits as free as the earth and as whimsical as butterflies. Then, we came to an abrupt halt, pausing to catch our breaths as we laughed in between gasps of air.

We lay down on the soft grass, the scent of musty earth permeating our sense of smell. You heaved your body next to mine. I observed the gentle rise and fall of your chest and I watched your pretty lashes as they gently brushed the top of your cheeks.

I reached one hand up to caress your hair, tousled in the wind. You brought your face close to mine and dropped light kisses all over my forehead, my cheeks, my nose and my lips.

I smiled and you smiled back.

In my heart, all I felt at that moment was joyful bliss.

You kissed me again, on my mouth this time, and we were the only two people in the world that night.

Read More...

here we go

I am chewing on cola gummy worms.

Chew. chew. chew. Swallow. Smack lips. Repeat.

You can tell that I'm damn bored. And damned to experience boredom in the office for the rest of the day.

Still plenty of gummy worms to keep me going.

Not forgetting the colourful gummy bears.

Oooh yeah. I'd rather masturbate for fun but I've got rashes on my privates (I hate sanitary pad rashes) and the skin's all dry and painful, chafing in my cotton-lycra panties in my denims. Woohoo!

Read More...

super furry people

Super Furry Person = Noel Achariam.
The Lorong Avenger = Noel Achariam.
The Butt Flaunter = Noel Achariam.
Agent Mastorbator (note: not a typo) = Noel Achariam.

Please Google Noel Achariam.

Read More...

i will cherish you always

You didn't know, that when you were holding me close with my cheek pressed against your chest, I was smiling. Because I was happy. Because you told me so many special things. Special things I take to be true because I know you to be a sincere person.

You will always be my most special person, Noel, because you are always so kind to me.

I used to cry alone at night, hoping that there will be someone who will be kind to me, that there will be someone to hold my hand tightly because it aches when I cry.

I still cry sometimes but only because I am touched by the many things you do for me.

I am so fortunate for your presence in my life.

You are my greatest gift.

Read More...

yoo hoo

You know me, the only movie I could be bothered about watching is Harry Potter but since Noel, I've been watching movies for quite a bit. We've still yet to watch Transformers - we have a pair of free tickets but it would seem that the cinemas are clean booked every day - and on Monday, we're watching the premier of Ice Age 3, courtesy of my friend Lawrence, who is generous to always offer me a pair of free tickets whenever he has some to spare.

And. I'm busy finding and trading ingredients on Restaurant City but it's so hard! Dammit. I only managed to reach Level 7 for my dessert.

Read More...

how i spend my days

At least four hours in a day is spent with Noel. Horrors! It's as if I don't have anybody else to hang out with anymore, which isn't entirely untrue...

But I like being with Noel. Noel is dependable, although not so in the timing department. (Punctuality isn't his best trait.)

And today, because it's Saturday, I get to read my comics online and drink cold Ribena. Yay! At the office I drink hot green tea, wrap myself up in my furry brown blanket and try to finish up my work as fast as I can so I can get lost - in the arms of Noel that is.

Arghghghghghghgg. Everything is always about Noel.

Now I gotta go do my homework. I'm helping Noel with his listings.

Read More...

i'm a sushi roll

It saddens me when people speak ill of me to Noel because that means that I've yet to succeed in becoming the kind of girlfriend he can be proud of, the one that people will point to and say, "Hey, that's Noel's girl and he sure is lucky to have her".

Read More...

five minutes with... edition cheng

THE sky is the limit - a motto notorious Hong Kong actor/singer/host/busboy/playboy/gigolo-turned-pornstar Edition Cheng has always lived by religiously ever since his first accidental stumble into the limelight, posing as a model for the Taiwanese hairgel brand "Hard-On Wax Lover".

"Other days, my motto is 'a man is limited to how deep he can thrust'," said Cheng sheepishly, displaying his signature boyish grin.

Cheng, who had specially flown in to Malaysia on Saturday was speaking to Surat Melayu in an exclusive interview at the official launch of his clothing boutique in Bangsar, 'flooze'.

Cheng, who has a large following in the country, mostly made up of teenage girls (and some boys), was seen dodging flying panties that were flung into his direction from all areas from screaming fans.

"This is odd. The panties are wet," he said, fingering the crotch of a pair of pink satin panties.

Surat Melayu: What is flooze and what was the original idea behind the name?
Cheng: flooze is something that is very close to my heart. When I started becoming a big household name in Hong Kong, I had plenty of that, floozies that is. I was young and with my good looks, the media labeled me a playboy but after that incident, when my ex-girlfriend Messy K revealed that I had been secretly working as a gigolo and acting in porn movies to supplement my extravagant lifestyle, that totally gave me a wake up call. I realised that the biggest floozy was me but man, I remember Messy's furry beaver - it was so thick it could choke you.

SM: Err... can we move on to the next question? Tell us more about flooze's "Exploding Beaver Metallica" line?
Cheng: When you get your fingers entangled into a furry beaver - (remaining parts of the conversation are censored to protect our young readers). I really love Metallica. It's totally raw. It's like Britney's mom screaming and throwing raw potatoes at you. Really raw. RAWR. So expect to see a lot of silver embellishments on fur. Lots of it. RAWR.

SM: ... we noticed that there was a limited edition line called "Whip Me Up, Pansy Boy!".
Cheng: Yeah! You see this? It's for the ladies to carry around and whip their men when they misbehave in public. Know how female empowerment is all the 'in' thing today? I do read CLEO from time to time you know and being able to wield power boosts a woman's confidence, it makes them feel sexy and men love a confident girl who knows how to have her way. Anyway, all our products undergo rigorous quality testing and they can last a lifetime - just don't whip elephants with them or they won't last as much - and the other day, I got my product manager to test it out on me at our brand presentation and woohoo, I was prancing around like a pony! GODDAMN that woman can spank! If you can afford it, buy the "18k Bitch Devil Whip" - that's our best product. It comes free with a bottle of tartar sauce.

SM: What other plans are you currently working on? We hear you're working on a new movie.
Cheng: Oh, you gotta love this. I'm currently producing and co-writing a movie called Edition Cheng: Full-Frontal Inspector. It's a dramatic-erotic thriller about a straight-laced police inspector that infiltrates the underground prostitution syndicate in Hong Kong that caters to those with money to throw and a love for the exotic 'delicacies'. There's a lot of hardships in store for our title hero, that's me by the way, as he navigates his way through unknown territory and comes face-to-face with a number of steamy, full-frontal confrontations.

Read More...

getting educated by the educationist

Because I am younger than you, I may not have the wisdom and the experience that you surely must have that are far greater than what I own.

Because I am younger than you, I will depend on you to advise me in however way you see fit even had I not approached you to seek your views on things.

Because I am younger than you, I will always be like a child running to you for hugs and consolations for bruised egos and scraped knees.

Because I am younger than you and shorter than you, I will look up into your eyes with as much love a person can have in her heart and tell you that I love you.

Read More...

a little bit of contemplation

Don't tell me how I know but a person can't be ignorant forever. There are means of acquiring the proper 'channels' to find out what is said about you behind your back and most certainly, if you wanted to keep something secret from the entire world the only foolproof way of doing that is to just shoot yourself dead.

Plenty of things I found, I found out too late. I also found out through the hard way that by the time I knew, too much damage had been done. And that they were irreversible.

Sometimes the 'victim' in me lashes out by seeking out the reasons as to how I could have ended up in a lot of shit. Why are people so cruel to me?

The best thing is always to try my best to shrug it off and chalk it up as part of my experiences in growing up. The most important thing though, is to learn from that.

Unfortunately, sometimes I don't and history has an uncanny way of repeating itself and it has, in a few occasions.

Right now though, all of that are behind me.

That was after a really bad second experience totally woke me up for good from the lies that I was living in (after the first bad experience, I went into denial and at some point convinced myself that it was a mistake that wasn't supposed to end up the way it had).

Unfortunately, not everyone is as fortunate.

Like the girl who always knew what a cheat her boyfriend was, still is and will always be. She gets hurt time and time again, writing letters to her boyfriend to voice out her pain, her disappointment that she is finally, "leaving you for good". Yet, she never does leave because he knows all the right things to say and do.

Sometimes it ain't the right move to put your vulnerable heart on a platter and serve it to a manipulating person - gives them even more of an ammunition to break your heart apart.

I still wish that she will wake up from this 'sleepwalking' soon. Same as the many others, who are being cheated.

I used to be in their position. I am thankful that I am no longer there.

Read More...

getting domesticated

Have I cooked for any of the other guys I've dated? Not really. I only made spaghetti and cheese omelette for the first guy because we were studying away from home and occasionally I wanted to eat something that tasted like it came from home - no matter how tasty food at the restaurants are, they just have that quality of taste that I call the 'restaurant food taste'. Maybe it's the seasoning that they use.

So it's a bit strange that suddenly I want to cook and make things for Noel. Last week I had him and Nadirah over for a lunch of Japanese curry rice and potato croquettes. I plan to make him homemade beef burger patties next. I'm also planning to get my mom to teach me how to make a few other things.

I even have a plan: Make the stuff on my off days, pop them in the freezer and then get them all fried, baked or whatever when I want to make a lunch delivery for Noel.

I wanted to make Japanese curry rice again yesterday but since I woke up late I thought it'd be nice to get sushi for Noel (the other reason being I wanted to have sushi for lunch) instead.

Besides yummy, I'm also thinking nutritious. I don't know about you but on my part, it is so not healthy to always have fish and chips with fried rice, a bulls-eye egg and a large helping of mayo every day for lunch and then some other greasy variety of rice and stuff at night. And there's hardly any veggie or fruit in my diet - no wonder I'm always constipated.

And so, I shall find a bottle of Pride balsamic and lemon salad dressing and also deliver salad to Noel's office! Maybe some fruit too.

Gosh. I'm getting sooo domesticated. Worse, I'm also developing my talents as a masseuse girl. Dammit it's all Noel's fault.

Read More...

yay me!!

I must surely be the most nicest girlfriend on the planet. I got up, rushed to my favourite restaurant and made a sushi lunch delivery to Noel's office where we proceeded to eat half of the stuff bought before we got too full to eat anymore.

And it's my off day!

So I am sweet, Noel says and I know he loves me very, very much and that is why we are going to drop in on the International Cat Show and the National Rabbit Show soon because he loves me very, very much.

BUNNYYYY!!!!

Read More...

twoot twoot

A little cactus plant appeared on my table today, courtesy of the Bayer people.

I'm going to give it to my mom - and I think it has about as much chance as a tadpole living in a jar of vinegar. My mom's great with cactuses that way.

I also have a box of chocolate-chip-cookies-in-a-cup-with-cheese-cake-toppings which Nadirah baked last night - at a price OK. We shall not be in the habit of mooching off of our friends just because they're expert bakers.

So all in all, I am pleased but I still hope to see my Noel tonight.

Read More...

i am loved

The unexpected journey with you began when you approached me that night at DV8 and introduced yourself to me.

You will always be loved with much fierceness and much passion.

I love you Noel.

Read More...

this is hard

This is hard. I've tried to write this at least four times but I can't seem to put down the words that usually come to me so easily.

Beginilah. Saya akan menghantar e-mel kepada anda.

Read More...

miow miow

I've been a bad, bad girl and so, I am regularly punished for being bad. :(

Noel says I need to be educated regularly so I am currently undergoing 'special' classes thrice a week. It involves a lot of eating and occasionally a lick of the popsicle.

Miow.

Read More...

contemplations

Hmm. Maybe I should stop calling and see if he wonders.

Read More...

red panda attack!

Nasib baik dada aku tak begitu besar. Imagine kalau I had to wear D cups! Or even Cs at the very least! They're going to sag until they reach my belly button once the supports are removed and gosh, big bras aren't even sexy! The bra straps are practically an inch wide! No spaghetti straps, no cutely molded cups. You're gonna be wearing cups that could fit in a human head with much room to spare for a turkey ham sandwich!

Hari ini. Noel telah terlupa untuk belanja makan aiskrim.

Cis.

Read More...

this is totally fictional

IN sudden bursts of self-confidence, I may admit that I am, if you will excuse the narcissism, quite an attractive woman. On better-dressed days, I may even go as far as to say that I look 'hot'.

In these sweltering times though, I'm experiencing a different kind of 'hot' - the kind where I get all sweaty in a non-sexy way and am seen sporting wet Roscharch patterns on the inner sleeves of my top. I could even fancy myself being a model in one of those deodorant ads. Only thing is, you won't see me smiling and skipping in the ad - you'll just hear me screaming for a refund.

It's bad, this heat. And it's only going to get worse when El Nino comes in the upcoming days.

Malaysia typically experiences a hot and dry season in June, July and August with temperatures ranging between 33 °C to 34 °C. However, with the El Nino phenomenon, temperatures can rise by an additional 3 °C - that's really hot.

These days, getting to the office well nigh before the temperature hits its highest has become a priority, no, a matter of life and death, just for the air-conditioning because my mom's 'kedekut' about installing air-conditioners in her children's rooms. (There is an air-conditioning unit in my parents room though - we're not THAT backwards - but since a few years ago, it has become nothing more than a decoration on the wall. My mom says paying RM1 plus for an hour's worth of air-conditioning is much too expensive. She'd rather keep that RM1 to pay for her Korean drama channels on Astro.)

Even the last hope, the trusty old stand fan has failed me. So I've taken to pretending that I'm stranded on a nudist colony in the privacy of my room (only at night time though).

Seriously, if I could, I'd stuff myself in the fridge at home but then I'd give my dad a heart attack if he were to open the door to find me crouching inside, munching on a carrot stick so I'm being conservative about the fridge thing by visiting it only when I need a glass of cold water, of which I'm drinking loads now and resulting in never-ending trips to the loo.

My boyfriend thinks I have demented ideas but what would he know? Aside from being a guy, the lucky bugger also has an air-conditioner unit in his room.
Normally I'd beat him up for thinking me any less than the sweet girl I am but thinking about how the effort will make me even sweatier restrains me from getting violent with him.

So we thought about ways to get cool over a dinner of spicy-hot seafood tom yam soup and white rice, further frying our already fried brains.

The best we could come up with is to either: a) Perform a naked rain dance in the middle of Dataran Merdeka and hope for the best; b) Sit in a tub of ice and eat bowls and bowls of ice-cream; c) Migrate to Alaska and live among wolves.

We also contemplated the cons of the ideas available: a) Be labeled a pervert and get caught by the police for committing public indecency; b) Make sure a loo is nearby - diarrhea's sure to happen baby; c) Does Air Asia go to Alaska? Why can't we go to Disneyland instead?

What can you do about the soaring temperatures? Nothing, short of migrating to Alaska.

But just so you can make it a bit more bearable you should drink plenty of water to avoid being dehydrated, eat more watermelon, wear less clothes and love your office more.

Read More...

kepenatan melanda

Penat. Horror. Sakit perut. Maybe I should have stayed home to do the house work because suddenly sakit perut and I think it's going to be one of those diarrhea kinds of sakit perut and I am not looking forward to going out and about to get a story.

Horror.

Nooooooooo.... it cannot be diarrhea. No, not in the office! If I'm going to have diarrhea then I can't be having ice-cream later because that will upset my stomach even more. Then there's going to be a sushi dinner at home. And I want sushi very much but I want to hang out with Noel, too. Oh, decisions, decisions. Sushi? Noel? Can't I have both?

Read More...

to my noel

Dear Noel,

Will I always be able to hold your hand?

Love, M.

Read More...

road bullies MUST die

I read this on Rocky's Bru and was reminded of the time when I had a run-in with a road bully about two weeks ago.

I don't think I need to elaborate much on what had happened on the road but I will tell you that I was shaken so much that I lodged a police report the next morning on the bully, who had a mean toady look and drove a black BMW.

I mean, what is it with all these big car drivers? I'm just a girl driving a Kancil with a P sticker (although I must stress that I have gotten my licence ages ago) on the windshield - give me some slack for not being able to drive 200km/h in the fast lane and for not being able to cut into the slower lane in Speedy Gonzales fashion because there were too many cars driving too slowly that were hogging up the lane.

Anyway, road bullies should just DIE. DIE IN YOUR GODDAMN BMW CAR. I'm sure that will be the best funeral casket you could ever have. And if you wanted to know the road bully's number plate, remember this: It's WSJ 3251 and it's a black BMW.

Read More...

four hours of sleep

The universe works in strange ways sometimes. Sometimes, it gives you a clue. Like a fish symbol or a Shnauzer called Bonzo. Other times, it's a guy called Noel.

Half the time though, it's the fish symbol.

I knew the fish symbol would be the one that would do me in for good. I was curious and like how curiousity killed the cat, I find that I have put myself in an extremely vulnerable position where I am so madly in love with the image of the fish symbol that I am seeing it everywhere when I am in my waking moments.

I shall be mad soon and it is all because of the fish symbol.

Read More...

the arrows point this way

I feel sick.

I couldn't be more stupid not to realise that all the arrows point to the same path - that of the end. The end of me, the end of you, the end of everything that makes us 'us'.

Eventually, you'll let me go. And I'll have to let you go.

I can't remain your 'one and only' forever. I know.

Read More...

an open letter to someone... part 2

Dear someone,

Unexpected things have happened since we started going out, haven't they?

Every day, it gets me wondering how we managed to get to where we are at now. It's like... wow. Is this true? Is this all really true? I know that for my part, I have hoped for things to get to this stage, and had played my part in pushing for the script to follow a certain path but really, it still never fails to put that feeling of wonderment whenever I think about where we were more than a year ago, where we were some months ago and where we are now. It really is wow.

You already know these things, so there is no point for me to elaborate any further. You know me best, it seems.

So I'd like to tell you that every day with you is a privilege, and every moment with you is a memory worth cherishing.

I care for you.

Sincerely, I am yours forever.

Read More...

my cup runneth over

It's good to be with someone I can trust, whom I can take into my confidence and share with him all that there is to my mind and my heart.

It is comforting to know that even on the worst of days, there is always someone who will be kind to me and make the despair go away with his warm hugs.

And when he smiles, and his eyes crinkles at the sides, I smile back and care for him all the more.

Read More...

odd bobs, hammer and tongs i tell you

Caffeine; the toxic in my veins churns an almighty anxiety in my heart - and all in exchange for a little bit of the Sandman's time; some time to leave me alone. (Sleep, go away! Away!) It gives me bad feeling, this anxiousness. Like I'm waiting for some untold bad premonition to come true.

My head throbs. My heart throbs.

Pain hammers behind my forehead. My heart threatens to leap out of my left breast.

I need to find a substitute for coffee.

Read More...

weird me

Nothing gives a girl an ego boost as much as does a jealous beau.

Normally, I'd try my best to not put my guy in a 'threatening' situation but there are times when such instances do crop up. Like when an admirer suddenly pops into existence out of nowhere. Believe me when I say that I'm not that beautiful. I'm also not too smart and sometimes, just plain childish. Heck, I create tantrums on the street.

Being the kind of person that I am, there is no way that any boyfriend could feel threatened about the members of the opposite sex I meet (because they're usually even lamer than I am to the point that I'd not even want to touch them with a stick - but we're talking about people who actually become interested in me, for some reason).

I'm not too sure if he gets jealous. Sometimes, I get the idea that he is whenever I mention about some random bugger who has been bugging me about something quite trivial, and sometimes to the point of being freaky. He acts mad but I don't know if he really is mad because when I question him later, he will act like it was all a show.

But I'd like him to be jealous a bit. To be a bit possessive. I like feeling 'owned' because deep down inside, I'm a pet like that. A pet that's meant to be kept, and kept for good.

And because I know that if he worries about the men that pester me, that means he must care for me, if we talk about warped logic. (Plus that would teach him how I feel about that hip-thrusting floozy.)

Read More...

bouncing fish

I'm happy. Relatively. I bought a quarter-of-a-kilo of sweet cherries today in Petaling Street (was there on assignment) which are, in every sense of the word, bliss. Juicy, lovely things with a mixture of sweet tinged with a hint of sour. Beautiful!

And Noel is still in the caves.

My little heart beats forlornly.

Read More...

first post for june

Noel is in Mulu. I is here. I is bored.

I need to buy new bras. I need a haircut. I'm going to cook Japanese rice curry and potato croquettes this Friday for lunch.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow.

Read More...

kerana bosan

Kerana bosan, I am posting a list of useless things for you to know about me:

1. Indian food, or the closest to, in my whole life had always been eating roti canai at the mamak shop. When I was 20, I had my first taste of Northern Indian cuisine at d'Tandoor. I tried banana leaf rice only when I started working at 23.

2. I hate weddings. Weddings are absolute taboos. You can mention them BUT DON'T YOU DARE INVITE ME TO ONE. Especially if they concern people I don't know. I hate wedding food. They're bland and oily. I'd rather if they served Ayamas chicken nuggets with Kimball tomato ketchup. Can't go wrong with those.

3. I don't like Malaysian fruits or tropical fruits to be precise. To tell the truth, I've never even tasted most of them because they look weird and smell weird. Mangosteens have the look of squashed brains. And jackfruit tastes like barf (and smells bad). I eat starfruit and mango on occasion, watermelon sometimes and pineapple too but what I really, really want are the safe stuff like nectarines and plums and cherries.

4. I wish to take off my top in public sometimes, just out of sheer boredom. I like being unconventional, I like stirring controversy and I like people to point and stare. More like I'm just used to being pointed and stared it. It's all part of who I am and that's because I'm not normal, like you.

5. Usually forgets to put the salt in her cooking.

Read More...

your hand in mine

It's nice, having a hand to hold. A hand that is large enough to cover mine, grasping my fingers gently. It warms my heart to be held that way.

Read More...

unpretty but tolerable

I'm having my period and so, I am experiencing the most grossest things a girl has to go through every month. Like, the constant flow of blood, sometimes mixed with congealed blobs of bloob that would have turned into a zigot had the egg been fertilised (today, something that looked like a miniature version of the chuuka iidako or baby octopus came out!) and diarrhea for the first few days of menstruating. I'm being absolutely gross here but the grossness factor just doesn't end there.



Try wearing a sanitary pad, damp with blood and pressed to your skin the entire week. It's gross. A cleaner option is to wear a tampon but many do not have the courage to get it up into the vaginal canal clearly because it can be quite the traumatic experience, what with blood flowing down your fingers while you are shoving the thing in as deeply as you can.

Anyway, my mom and two youngest siblings jetted off to Japan this morning. They must have reached my grandma's place by now.

So here I am, being minimally domestic. Cooking nuggets, doing the laundry and feeding the pets. I'm going to make Japanese curry rice and potato croquettes for when Noel and Nadirah come over for lunch sometime soon. And I bought a box of strawberries to indulge myself.

AND!!! I got myself a red double decker bus charm for my Tomas Sabo charm bracelet! It cost me a friggin' RM259 but oh well, I bought it on a whim because it reminded myself of London and all, the time we went to the London Zoo and then the squirrels bit my finger at this little roundabout with a single tree on it and then they nicked my London Zoo edition zebra-icing Dunkin Donut.

I wanted the cherry charm but they didn't have stock. Dammit.

I think Noel's eyes near bulged out when the saleslady announced the price. It's ridiculous to be paying so much for a trinket, yes, it's not even gold and I could get something for that price, like a simple pendant at Poh Kong maybe but there are times when a girl must reward herself, because who else will? Besides, it is MY money. I didn't ask Noel to buy it for me (unlike the typical girlfriends who will insist on a pricey gift every month or else, boohoo, my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore), by the way.

Speaking about Noel, he's jetting off to Mulu for work tomorrow. Three whole days without me! Oh bliss! (For him, yes, definitely.) I'll have to try my best not to bugger him because he'll want to spend all that time hanging out with the orangutans.

Read More...

sotong bakar flies

Ah, happiness.

I spent nearly four hours at a local council's full board meeting, had late lunch for about an hour (and it was some sort of yummy Thai fried rice) and in less than two hours, I'm done with work! Yay! I'm good! And the first person to finish work again!

God, I am so effective. That is the power of not procrastinating (so much). See, it's because I don't have a small bladder or smoke so I don't need to run to the loo so many times or go for frequent nicotine-inducing breaks.

I only had a short break to sip my coffee bought from the vending machine in the pantry, to watch the YouTube parody vid of Pokemons battling Michael Jackson in a fake game battle (do check it out!) and of course, sneaking in minutes of Restaurant City in between typing paragraphs.

I'm good! I feel good!

HOI CEPATLAH PAKCIK NOEL. LAMBAT SANGAT BUAT KERJA.

Read More...

because we love toasted ass

H/L: Getting into the cosplay groove
Byline: MM
Date of publication: 29/12/2007

I THOUGHT I'd met my knight in shining armor, but after he took off his headgear, I realised that he was a man in his late thirties, with a chubby face and thinning hair.

This is not meant to insult, mind you, but more of a sneak preview of what cosplay entails - that anybody could be anybody as long it is what the heart desires with results that will shock even those you are closest to. Take for example, the lovely blonde cosplayer wearing a unique costume that bespoke volumes of regality and noble bearing: She is a character from console-playing game Tales of the Abyss, the proud Natalia Luzu Kimlasca-Lanvaldear... or so you thought. Take another guess, for Nadia is actually a guy in costume.



For the uninitiated, the idea of cosplay sounds almost scary. Some may liken it to a freak activity for freaks. There may be a grain of truth in this.

After all, one would have to be mad enough to dare wearing a Sailor Moon outfit out in public. But for those who adore this wacky subculture, it's all about bringing your biggest childhood (and for others, adult) fantasies to life.

And bring to life many of them did, like the quartet of girlfriends who were cosplaying as the heroines from Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon (PSSM).

"PSSM has always been a childhood favourite of ours and it had been a sort of secret dream that one day, we, too, could become just as beautiful and heroic as the Sailor Scouts. Today, we're living that dream and it's been great," said the gang's leader Nor Hashimah, 20, a cosplayer of six years.

At this year's most anticipated ACG (animation, comics and games) event, Comic Fiesta 2007, she cosplayed the Soldier of Water and Intellect, Sailor Mercury. Nor Hashimah's costume is based on the version from the final arc of the series, the Shadow Galactica arc. The event was held at Berjaya Times Square Kuala Lumpur on Dec 15 and 16.

Her childhood friends from Bangi, Nur Aina, Nur Asyikin and Nur Dinni, are dressed up as Eternal Sailor Moon, Sailor Pluto and Sailor Mars, respectively.

When asked on why there were only four instead of nine people in the group, Nor Hashimah said as theirs was a last minute plan, the other friends in the group were not able to have their costumes done in team for the event. The four of them took one month to get their costumes ready and even then, they were missing the elbow-length gloves which are part of the costume. On a side note, the Sailor Team is actually made up of the five Inner Soldiers and four Outer Soldiers which added up make up all the planetary bodies in the solar system.

"People wonder why we settled for the Shadow Galactica arc instead of going for the first arc, the Dark Kingdom arc, and this is because nobody else in Malaysia has cosplayed any of the series' characters from the last arc. (The writer happens to be the first in the country to cosplay Sailor Mars, with the costume being from the first arc by the way.) We also loved how there is a uniformity between the costumes of all the characters. In the previous arcs, each character had accessories which
were exclusive to only herself," said Nor Hashimah.

Next on the list are Yau Ju Anne, 18, and Marina Shukry, 20, who were cosplaying Esther Blanchett (White Queen version) and Seth Nightlord from the anime series Trinity Blood.

Their elaborate costumes, reminiscent of the Victorian era, had cost them RM800 and RM900 respectively.

Both are not newcomers to the cosplay scene: Yau has been cosplaying for three years and has cosplayed Tifa Lockheart (Final Fantasy VII), Miyu (Vampire Princess Miyu) and Karin Koenig (Shadow Hearts: Covenant) while Marina, a diehard fan of Trinity Blood, has four costumes belonging to two characters from the series, Abel Nightroad and three versions for Seth Nightlord due to her absolute love for the character.

However, these were only a few out of the many that had come proudly in their costumes, to the delight of the crowd upon identifying the characters cosplayed. Although still on a somewhat small scale, there is no doubt that this is a fastrising subculture what with the many new faces coming onboard to embrace this passion for role-playing and dressing up.


What makes an inspiring cosplay?

CERTAINLY not when you're wearing a rush job which clearly shows that it is. You know, a rush job.

While not everyone can work miracles on a sewing machine, it does help a lot when you make the effort to find yourself a good tailor. Not an idea that will bode well with those with lean wallets though as an elaborate costume will have you forking out a crazy sum like RM500 for something that you'll wear like what? Once, or twice, a year?

There are also those who have no imagination, coming to such events as Gothic Lolitas, which isn't much challenge as far as cosplay goes. Just put on something black with layers of lace, tie a frilly apron round your waist and then plonk a mini crown on your mass of curls. Oh, and don't forget the platform Mary Janes and the knee-high beribboned socks. Or what about the kind of cosplay where the character is wearing clothes so normal that you cannot distinguish whether the person is cosplaying or not? That's quite uninspiring, too.

However, an inspiring cosplay does not come entirely from good tailoring. Just like buying the right shade of foundation to match your skin tone, choosing the right character to portray is just as important so it is quite unfortunate when there are those who choose to cosplay a particular character because of whatever hype that is attached to that particular anime/manga/ game the character originates from at the moment.

That is why cosplayers who are able to give me an in-depth description of the character and elaborate what makes the character special to him/her get my seal of approval instead of those who tell me that, "I like this character but I don't know why. He/she looks cool, I think", because you know that with the amount of passion the cosplayer has for that certain character, he/she will do a better job portraying him/her because the character has been studied so well, it becomes like a second
persona. Like how actors `become' their characters, the same should go for cosplayers.

But then you argue, what of people who are too obese to cosplay Sailor Moon but go ahead with it anyway? No matter how good an actress she is, she'll never be as close to the real thing. Well, my dears, that's another story for another day and didn't your mother teach you not to discriminate the horizontally-challenged people?

Read More...

things that make me teary eyed

Or people, like my colleague Nadirah who was once our intern and now strings for us.

Being a typical girl, I relayed to her the 'natural' development of my day-to-day life, the love, the gossip, the drama, etc. And I told her about what Noel had told me in regards to the Fat Farm (she calls them the Phat Farm).

Naturally, she was outraged.

"If they are going around 'warning' him about you because they're his friends, then I am warning you about him now because I am your friend," she said indignantly.

Finally, we decided that the Fat Farm and the Hindraf Gang are just a bunch of jealous cows because they obviously won't look as good in a bikini.

At the end of the day, they can go and take nude photos of themselves but they'd know they'd never look as good as I do in the buff either.

Really, Noel is lucky to have a hot girlfriend with a nice body.

Read More...

super time wasters

I am friggin' pissed.

Today, I had a morning assignment at the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission's (MACC) Selangor branch in Shah Alam OK. And then, this certain MP was supposed to come and hold a Press conference so I arrived at the location on the dot, it being only five minutes away from home.

Only to wait for twenty minutes for the dude to show up, to sit in for a so-called Press conference that was barely ten minutes long. And this was held in front of the lifts outside of the MACC office because they wouldn't let reporters in to disrupt office operations, obviously.

And then I went back to the office only to realise that we had reported about this particular case before, involving an owner of a cybercafe whose computers were confiscated for operating without a licence.

So my story is all background with only a teensy bit of new development.

I mean, WHAT THE FUCK is that???

I don't need to mention this MP's name. Believe you me, he is not the only one to hold Press conferences for the most inane issues or to just give a hint of an update. YO! HAS NOBODY HEARD OF E-MAILING????

Tolonglah. To hold a Press conference just to say, "Today, we are lodging a report with MACC", does not constitute as NEWS. ITU ADALAH UPDATE BANGANG.

PERGILAH MATI!!!!

Read More...

i know what is kugiran (it's not an indian name)

Gembira! Spelt with a capital G!

Em em em em em em em em.

Saya telah kena UTI again. Sedih. It's the first case so far this year. I get UTI at least three or four times a year due to.. various reasons. Yeah. Let's leave it at that.

But because I'm the champion of UTI, I've learnt to identify the symptoms real fast and of course, to put distractions in my mind so I'm not as focused on the pain and then a trip to the doc's is always in order although it'd probably be less of a hassle (but more cost) to go to the pharmacist.

I'm also the champion at work because I managed to finish three stories in less than two hours (with much time dedicated to Restaurant City in between). Whoopee! By the time I was out of the door, most of my colleagues were still whiling away in front of their PCs. I am soooo effective I feel so proud of myself sometimes.

Anyway, let me tell you a story that you're already bored of.

It's about Uncle Noel OK. So Uncle Noel is this lucky guy because he has this super hot girlfriend OK. And his girlfriend isn't a bimbo because she makes him laugh all the time with these really intelligent jokes, that usually involves a vagina or two. (And sometimes a dick.)

So one day, Uncle Noel goes to this lorong OK, and then he dies.

The end.

Did that make your heart race, Noel?

Read More...

kesimpulan of the day

Orang gemuk, hai, orang gemuk.

Besides spending a considerable time, effort and money in order to cultivate that healthy cow look, it would seem that their other pastime is to bitch about other people.

Kenapa? Sebab kau dengki? Pasal takde sex life kot. Ataupun sebab kat Topshop tu tak jual thong saiz kau. (Largest size for underthings in Topshop, Miss Selfridge and Dorothy Perkins are Size 16. I doubt La Senza has anything bigger than that. Bras for King Kong's mom yes, panties, no.)

Lalu mereka pun mengutuk dan memaki-hamun mereka yang tiada sebarang kaitan dengan mereka. Pasal memang takde kerja.

Tengoklah. Esok aku ambik batang-batang sate dan sumbat ke dalam tempat-tempat anu korang semua baru tahu.

Cis, bedebah kamu awas!

Read More...

perkara mengharukan

The most wonderful thing someone told me was that he will always be good to me.

I am forever thankful for his companionship and his kindness.

I care for you and I hope you will continue to care for me.

Love, Miow.

Read More...

ring-a-ding-a-ling

I was chatting with my friend, Jeo, see, and a few names cropped up here and there.

"Didn't you have something going on with that fella?" Jeo asked.

We were talking about what happened to this dude, let's call him Nerd, when his company folded not too recently.

"What shit is this?" I asked.

Huh. Go out with someone a few times and people automatically assume that something must have gone on.

Truth is, I did go out with Nerd a few times. I was interested, even. I was later ditched for some girl he had been pining for for some time, only problem was that she had this guy, and then the guy became abusive, and then she was plotting of a way to get out of the guy's evil clutches and then tada! Nerd steps in, I get ditched, story of my life.

And the other thing was that the Nerd said he, being a man of plans, doesn't like a girl to make plans because that so interferes with his plans. What? What a mofo.

Anyway, I am better off now. I have my Noel and my Noel has me and together we shall drive into the sunset.

Read More...

doesn't it hurt?

Aku ni jenis yang cepat 'jealous'. Tak tahu nak sebut macam mana dalam Bahasa Malaysia (atau, adakah masih Bahasa Melayu?). Yang aku tahu, bukan jealous yang boleh disamakan dengan dengki tetapi lebih pada perasaan yang timbul apabila terasa yang 'standing' aku dengan lelaki itu, iaitu Pakcik Noel, seolah-olah tergugat.

Yalah, macam mana boleh tak? Kawan perempuan dia ramai. Yang cuba untuk mendapatkan perhatian dia, bahkan hatinya sekali, juga tentu tidak kurang walaupun dia selalu berlagak seperti tidak wujudnya perempuan sebegitu dalam hidupnya (bukankah aku juga salah seorang daripada mereka-mereka dan keluarga mereka?)

Bukan aku nak kata yang aku tak yakin dengan kata-kata pakcik tu. Aku bukan juga nak kata yang aku tak yakin dengan daya tarikan dan lain-lain keistimewaanku (wah, aku ni memang stok perasanlah).

Hakikatnya, pada suatu ketika dahulu, aku telah disisih oleh teman lelaki pertama untuk seorang perempuan yang sehingga hari ini, tak dapat ku lihat sedikit pun kebaikan. (Mungkinkah kerana buah dadanya lebih besar dari yang ku punyai pada ketika itu? Ah, bodohnya lelaki!)

Yang satu buku ni pula kata, lelaki suka variasi. Kalau hari ini dia nak yang kurus, esok dia nak yang gemuk. Kalau hari ini pakcik itu mahukan saya yang baik lagi comel lagi menarik, esok hari setelah bosan, dia pun akan terus melarikan diri ke perempuan bermulut tempayan yang bernama RR itu.

Aku pula, sudah ditambat. Tidak akan ke mana-mana lagi.

Perasaan sayang dan cinta, kadangkala seperti berputik tetapi belum lagi berbuah dengan sepenuhnya. Padaku, pakcik itu adalah seorang teman yang istimewa. Dialah kawan, rakan sepekerjaan, 'confidante', teman lelaki dan juga orang yang akan dibebel hari-hari sebab macam-macam hal yang remeh-temeh. Dia adalah seekor beruk pelik yang telah mempelajari sesuatu perkataan baru pada hari ini, iaitu 'kureng'.

Ah, tetiba teringat. Iri hati. Itulah perkataan yang saya tercari-cari tadi.

Tak tahu samada pakcik itu pernah merasai perasaan iri hati apabila aku bersama kawan-kawan lelaki yang lain. Saya akan terasa gembira sekiranya dia dapat berasa iri hati, walaupun sedikit sahaja.

Read More...

the day stupid knocked on my door

The Klang Bureau Chief is in da house, yo!

After yesterday's lukewarm response to his 'surprise' visit, today he has graced us with another appearance, dressed in black and with a pair of (I'd bet on my ass it's fake) Raybans shielding his (supposed to be) piercing eyes.

His grand entrance involved, pulling open the glass door, a full two-second pause before he whipped the shades off of his face.

Whooo...

We were so impressed that we couldn't help but to snigger.

As if we care if he comes. Yesterday's visit was so unwarranted. He came in just to submit a Page 15 story on market traders and their grouses and he goes telling his posse in this brave voice, "The pressure's on me".

Oh yeah. Gimme a break.

Read More...

white radish

Sebelum saya bermula, ingin saya katakan: I am very privileged to have Down's Syndrome and that my mother didn't shoot me in the head at the age of five or else, I would never have heard of the exciting event called DaiCon, by EMiNA Cyberjaya (of which I was a member of). I am also very privileged that I am not able to satisfy any girls with my dick because I do not have a dick in the first place.

Anyway, DaiCon. Hebat man. When was the first time we had our disastrous event? That must have been in 2004 or 2005. I forgot. It's great that STAD is now taking EMiNA seriously, even going as far as to let them use up a big portion of their budget to organise an all you can eat pizza party! Great stuff.

I remember the days when we couldn't even get the university's buses to shuttle students to Bon Odori and then Otter, as president, had to fork out about RM300 to pay for the buses.

I also remember the days back in Melaka when I followed Syaoran on his rounds to submit paperwork to the people in STAD to get them to approve our weekly anime screening sessions and stuff, back when EMiNA was only in its first year of inception.

Everything was all difficult then, so small scale. But the people who made it happen, are those who incidentally did all the tough stuff (people like Syaoran and his founding gang, Legolase, Kakashin and the rest who first organised EMiNA's first ever cosplay event), created a 'brand' for the club, and then for the event (like GACC, as an example) and now, boom! People actually drive all the way to obscure places like Cyberjaya and two hours away to Melaka to attend their events.

It will be strange, attending Daicon. After a good three years of non-cosplaying (unless you count the appearance on TV3's MHI last year), coming back will feel a bit out of sorts for me. I'm older now, for one, and most of the new cosplayers are kids averaging seven years younger and below.

But I'm still keen on showing my friend what cosplay is all about and I'm also lending support to whatever friends I still have left in EMiNA Cyberjaya.

Read More...

toasted marshmallows, my ass

Ah, don't we just love stoking the fires of controversy? It gives my behind a nice, warm, toasty feeling.

Mengapakah mereka terasa? Adakah kerana yang dikatakan itu benar? Jikalau mereka merasakan bahawa yang dikatakan itu semuanya tipu-tipu belaka, mereka mempunyai kebebasan untuk membuat pilihan yang 'matang'. (Sesuatu perkataan yang seringkali mereka meluangkan,sambil terlompat-lompat dalam api kemarahan, apabila diberitahu perkara-perkara yang tidak dapat menyedapkan hati mereka.)

Apakah yang biasa dilakukan ketika menghadapi seseorang yang anda anggapkan sedikit (atau agak) bebal? Anda akan cuba sedaya upaya untuk memberitahunya, memberi eksplanasi yang sedikit-banyak dapat menukar fikirannya ke arah yang kamu ingin membimbingnya. Tetapi, sekiranya dia tidak matang, berkeras untuk mempercayai yang bukan-bukan, anda akan tidak mempedulikannya lagi. Bukankah begitu?

Sekiranya anda tidak bersetuju dengan pendapat saya, apa kata anda mengemukakan pendapat anda pula? Kemungkinan, saya dapat mempelajari sesuatu yang baru, sekaligus mengubah pendapat saya yang asalnya.

Saya mempunyai hak untuk berpendapat dan pendapat itu pula, tidak mesti sesuatu yang 'bernas' sentiasa. Mungkin ini akan memberikan kamu sesuatu pendapat bahawa saya seorang yang terencat akalnya, tetapi itu juga hak kamu untuk mebuahkan pendapat-pendapat yang sebegitu rupa.

Tahniah kerana anda dapat berjaya menjayakan sesuatu aktiviti yang sedemikian rupa dengan umur anda sekalian yang muda-muda belaka. Kamu memang mempunyai hak untuk berbangga dengan kejayaan dan hasil limpahan air mata dan peluh anda. Bagusnya, muda-mudi sekarang memang serba berkebolehan.

Tetapi, apabila dikutuk, anda pula menggunakan umur muda sebagai alasan tidak dapat menjayakan aktiviti anda ke tahap yang lebih tinggi.

'Kutukan' saya dikatakan tidak matang, sebaliknya anda sekalian juga turut mengikut perangai tidak matang saya dengan mengutuk saya balik dengan kata-kata yang lebih kesat.

Syabas.

Saya memang berharap bahawa aktiviti pada tahun depan akan lebih berjaya. Saya turut menunggu dengan penuh kegirangan.

Read More...

from scathing to ass-licking

NOTE: Just to show you how WORDS can make ALL the DIFFERENCE.

Love, Work and Everything in Between by Xandria Ooi

NOT to be missed from the collection of Xandria Ooi paraphernalia by any Xandria Ooi fan is this: Xandria Ooi: The Book aka Love, Work and Everything in Between.

A collection of writings that made up her regular column for The Star newspaper, Ooi puts down her thoughts to words on various subjects, mostly revolving around her work, her experiences as a working woman and the pitfalls that come with having a career (like time and money management), her parents and a bit of love on the side (where her steady boyfriend is concerned and the trouble of dealing with aunts who take a big deal in when a girl should be getting married).

Every single page of Ooi's book comes alive with delightfully colourful graphics that tell its own 'story' of each individual chapter and fans will love the 'bonus' pages of Ooi looking every bit the celebrity at various star-studded events.

Unfortunately, Ooi's Love, Work and Everything in Between falls short of being the inspirational memoir it promises to be simply because it misses the three elements that make a celebrity autobiography so marketable: Glitz, Glamour and Gossip.

Followers of Ooi's column will delight in receiving Love, Work and Everything in Between as a gift. It will also look pretty on their shelves.

Read More...

working on a tuesday

My temper's not like what it used to be. Or maybe it's just a phase.

I'm hardly as angry or as upset as I would like to be, even when being stood up by a date. It feels a bit stony inside, like my heart's feeling a bit numb. But I'm cool.

Guys will always be guys and the guy who doesn't wear a watch will never have a concept of time or understand that the word 'soon' does not mean 'after one hour'. He'd have failed if he were being rated in the customer service line.

Read More...

Xandria Ooi's Love, Work and the Blahblahblahs in Between

WHO in the world is Xandria Ooi?

She calls herself a celebrity and a writer - which aren't to say, exactly lies. After all, she has done some modelling (I've seen her blown-up proportions on the billboard of a slimming centre), which surely is a celebrity thing to do besides appearing on TV and writing her own column for that astronomical newspaper, The Star.

But seriously, how many people know Xandria Ooi?

While it would be unfair to lump her in with the group of 'obscure' celebs, she isn't exactly up there on the Grade A list with the others like Amber Chia, Daphne Iking or Sazzy Falak, to name a few.

And perhaps, a reason why she has come to publish "Love, Work and Everything in Between", chronicling her life's experiences as oh, a celebrity. (It's for the publicity, we know.)

Unfortunately, Ooi's Love, Work and Everything in Between falls short of being the inspirational memoir it was touted to be. Even the tastefully designed pages (and 'bonus' pages of Ooi, the celebrity posing at glitzy star-studded events) failed to bring dazzle to the bland words of Ooi, the writer simply because it misses the three elements that make a celebrity autobiography so marketable: Glitz, Glamour and Gossip. And perhaps, a very sad, starving childhood filled with alcoholic relatives.

One review described Ooi's writings as personifying her to be "too sensible", a kinder way of saying 'boring'.

The whole book, is in fact, mostly about work. Not so much on love, but there's also plenty of blahblahblahs in between.

Buy it. It'll look pretty on your shelf.

Read More...

isn't it a bummer?

I spent RM50 on a dozen cupcakes. And for what? To pacify my mum for my late returns home from 'work'.

The cupcakes aren't that delish anyway. They're just pretty things with loads of sickening, sugary icing and colourful chocolate sprinkles all packaged in a neat little box with hollowed spaces to hold the cupcakes.

Last week, I gave my box of cherries to my mum before going away for a 'holiday with my chums' because I was feeling a teensy bit guilty about not being at home so much these days.

Guess why? Because I'd rather hang out with some dude who won't stop smokin' and boozin'. And the dude laughs at my antics all the time. (He loves my rabbit jokes.)

I'm hungry. The dude isn't answering my call and I'm fat.

Read More...

attack of the floozy

My friend, OK, let's cut the crap. My BOYFRIEND, insists that the floozy is merely being friendly but what is a girl to do in times like this when she suspects that the floozy is not just being friendly but that she's also being incredibly flirty to her man?

She is a PR person and he, a journalist. It's only natural that they will meet up for work-related purposes and occasionally have a bit of 'catching up' from time to time. There are times when a professional relationship can move into the thresholids of a friendly relationship and even into a romantic or even a sexual relationship (or both, or the last three combined or maybe even all four), and he insists that theirs is somewhere between the first and the second, or is it both?


Anyway. Fact is, a girl always knows when another girl is trying to move in on her man (you just know because the mere mention of the suspected-to-be-dangerous floozies will automatically raise the unseen hackles at the back of your neck) and I just know that the floozy isn't safe to be around.

In other words, she needs to be ELIMINATED.

And I am more certain than ever because I snuck a look at some of the texts she sent him (by the way, he knows because I got into an argument with him a few days ago when I was interrogating him about the floozy, which were, incidentally, about the contents of the texts she sent which led him to conclude and me admitting that I'd broken into his phone's inbox) and c'mon, a girl (who writes for a living) knows when a text message contains flirty nuances and when it doesn't. (I shall not mention what was written in those texts that I read to conform to my oath of privacy.)

Yes, he insists that I am the only girl for him and that he will never get caught in the arms of Miss Floozy and while I believe him, I do not trust the floozy one bit. I mean, you never know with some women. Some just never give up even when they know the guy's not going to give you a second glance and what is the presence of a girlfriend to them anyway? That just makes it more of a challenge, doesn't it?

But I could be wrong. Maybe. Although my stubborn heart tells me that I can't possibly be.

Isn't it tough being in a relationship? When the absence of a partner gave me loneliness and boredom, now the presence of one gives me much reason to doubt and be afraid! Why, I ask myself? Why? Do I not believe that I am special enough?

Read More...

HELP's C2AGE: A flop that goes without saying

WHAT sets an ACG (anime, comics and games) apart from the other 'regular' exhibitions and conventions I've felt, is a unique feature, that is usually also the most-anticipated highlight, 'called cosplay'.

Short for 'costume play', it is an activity that had its roots in similar-themed conventions in Japan and the States and has over the past few years, seen it rising to slowly becoming an up-and-coming staple especially in the local universities' and colleges' ACG club-held events.



Anyway, I accompanied a friend to cover the C2AGE (Comics, Cosplay, Anime and Games Exhibition I think the acronym stood for) event in HELP University-College (did it have a -College to its name? I forgot) and having attended a few cosplay, correction, ACG events in my time, had anticipated something... a lot more impressive, to say the least.

Needless to say, the event was a total flop by most people's (read: cosplayers and others who have attended other ACG events) standards and I couldn't help but feel embarrassed for my part as there was nothing much to show my friend, whom I had raved on and on about the exciting-ness of cosplay and why people cosplay and etc. an hour prior to the event. (There wasn't much point for me to talk to him of anime or comics or games - these are considered 'mainstream' forms of hobbies here and in many parts of the world anyway.)

So, anyway, I'm just going to stick to the whole cosplay bit so if you wanted a more comprehensive self-report on the overall event and its activities, perhaps you could check up the Comic Fiesta forums, where I'm sure they'll have a thread created to discuss it.

If, you had come to an ACG event to take a look at the cosplayers - maybe you were just curious or just like snapping interesting photos, etc. - and the most interesting cosplay was Kame-Sensei from Dragon Ball, you know that you're in for some really dull times.

By the time we left at close to 3pm, I can safely say that there must not have been even 30 cosplayers at the event. Some Naruto cosplayers, Vampire Knight (I think, I haven't been watching anime for some years now and the last title I saw was Trinity Blood) cosplayers, hmm, random Gothic Lolitas that JUST DIDN'T CUT IT (*grimaces*) and oh, there's that Sven dude from Black Cat. And others. I'm just too lazy to list them all.

My friend had a 'talk' (which is to say, interview) with some of the cosplayers and whoopee, surprise surprise, they weren't even from HELP. Gosh. What's the point of holding an ACG event in your own backyard when you aren't even enlisting your own club members to 'support' the event and make it more interesting for the visitors?

And that dance during the launch? It was lameness beyond all reason. You call that a dance? Seriously? You call THAT a dance? (Never mind if it's done to the chirpy-happy Hare Hare Yukai song. It wasn't cute at all.)

But I'm diverting from the matter of importance which was that the event was a flop. Because the organisers failed to create 'attractions'.

There were some odd smattering of booths here and there which, unfortunately, didn't sell anything worth buying. So there's a booth selling your standard fare of comics and anime DVDs. Big hairy deal. I can get those from any shopping mall any day. There was only one booth selling self-made artwork. There was... a booth promoting Hannah Tan's album. Like I care?

They had Gempak Starz their list of sponsors. Why didn't they arrange for an autograph-signing session with some of the cartoonists? That would have been an interesting highlight.

That's the least they could do, I felt, instead of the following 'highlights' (add a sarcastic tone): Japanese ambassador to Malaysia putting on his rendition of Getaran Jiwa on stage and that floozy Hannah Tan just prancing around looking sexy WITHOUT even bothering to cosplay and live up to her name as a (former) Animax Asia ambassador. (IS THAT ALL SHE CAN DO?)

Obviously not everyone can pull off getting a seiyuu (voice actor) all the way to Japan to guest at their ACG event - just as how MMU Melaka had managed to pull off in the past two years. I'm actually looking forward to who they plan to bring in this time around - but I'm diverting again.

I'm not sure if the organisers of C2AGE thought about the suitability of dates because when I checked with some friends still studying at MMU, they told me that finals start Monday. And I think my friend is a committee member for EMiNA Cyberjaya and he said he had no idea about this C2AGE thing. Had they known, and had it not been close to finals, perhaps they'd have sent a bus or two over to 'support' HELP's ACG event.

Speaking of lending support, I wonder if the C2AGE committee members had even bothered to invite ACG-based clubs from other universities and colleges? Or even promoted the event in the Comic Fiesta forums - I haven't checked the forums in a long time, so I can't say as to the latter. Somehow I get the idea that it might likely be a big NO because the cosplayers my friend talked to were all newbies, who decided to join Malaysia's current growing list of freakily-dressed camwhores (including yours truly) after getting 'inspired' at the last Comic Fiesta event.

Gah. I just can't write a straight opinion piece. I'm rambling.

Anyway, it was. Just sad. Some fellows who caught the Cosplay Gameshow thing, whatever it was, said it was super lame. Things did not follow the schedule and there were long delays. Hannah Tan served absolutely no purpose to the event. Whatever happened to the Sailor Moon cosplayers? The Trinity Blood gang? (I'm not going to talk about Naruto or Bleach cosplayers - they are SO overrated and overdone.)

This isn't the first time an ACG event was held at HELP. You'd think that the organisers would have improved from the previous time. Or... not.

ALRIGHT! Let's forget today's disappointment and concentrate on MMU Melaka's GACC (Games, Anime and Comics Circle)!

Read More...

uso deshou?

Ah, the things we want to believe - we want to believe in the best, we want to believe in the worst and oftentimes, we get it all wrong anyway.

Then there are times when you wished that what you believed was all wrong only to find out later that it was right all along and of course, the right thing just so happens to always be the worst thing - but that's just Murphy's Law coming into play.

Please don't lie to me, I beg of you, and I put myself in a vulnerable position because now you know that the words that you say have power over me. You can break me.

But I will not be broken. You cannot break what is lost - and that is my heart.

That is why I did not cry. There is no more room for desperation in my heart. If I am to be lied to, I will be lied to and I shall walk with the knowledge that this shall be the norm for me.

Read More...

candy mountain cosplay

I can't stop watching this hilarious video on YouTube.

It's just too funny, especially the parts where the guys (some girls actually) make out at the end and of a really rodent-looking Mickey Mouse making out with a Pluto soft toy. Of course, you won't get it if you don't know what cosplay is and if you've never played the Kingdom Hearts games for the PS2.

RIKU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are just soooooooooo many uber cute anime/game guys that I love.

Anyway, I was contemplating taking up pole dancing classes. What do you think?

Read More...

diddly doo - i'm bored!

Being rather bored (and curious), I'm playing this game called Restaurant City on Facebook after much urging from some colleagues. I still have no idea how I can get richer and how do I get more ingredients. I think it's always going to be like this, in any sort of game. I'm always doomed to be poor and I can never get my hands on any good items. That's really sad.

People are not answering my calls! How am I supposed to get any work done then?

And our head honcho, the company owner, just announced to us today that the absolute worse case (worst case, more like) scenario will be for us to close shop and call it a day. Whoa. Am I headed for a career with the Golden Arches? Maybe.

I hope that things will change for the better. It seems so bizarro that I'm working for a company that has so much problems. OK. I don't care if they have problems, as long as they don't affect me all that much.

A friend of mine, who's tripping in India at the mo, has met with a motor accident. I don't know what's wrong with her... she has a habit of getting into motor accidents all that. Up until recently, she has always managed to escape unscathed - whatever damage is usually taken up by her car - but I guess a person's luck must run out some day. Her friends also have a habit of getting into motor accidents. For the two years I've known her, she's always at the hospital visiting some friend who'd gotten banged up in various accidents and shit. (Please do not confuse with 'knocked up'.)

Hopefully it'll be all right for her. And her sister.

Read More...

q for you

From the wise words of Confucius: "It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop."

Things are progressing slowly all right. Steadily, I hope.

Noel, do you think we'd still be friends when Raya time comes?

Read More...

allegory

Allegory (n): A short moral story (often with animal characters)
: A visible symbol representing an abstract idea
: An expressive style that uses fictional characters and events to describe some subject by suggestive resemblances; an extended metaphor

You wait but he never calls. So you make the call. And you lose your sense of purpose.
You declare feelings of love but he never does. And so you traverse along a one-way road.
And you wonder. And wonder.
Keep on wondering, babe.
The call ain't coming.
Keep on walking down that one-way road.
He ain't gonna be walking beside you.
And he ain't gonna be waiting at the end.

Read More...

the ff

I'm not too keen on the Fatty Friends (FF).

They've got socks for brains and act like they couldn't give a toss about what goes on in other people's lives, but I know for a fact that they actually do, because the next thing you know, they'd be badmouthing you to the next person, somewhere along the lines of: "As if people care about what goes on in her life - bee-yotch. Such a social outcast."

It is precisely because they care that they are bitching about other people in the first place.

I mean, I should be charitable.

They're a bunch of fatties, grown on a staple diet of McValue meals. No one could possibly love them under all those layers of wobbly, squishy fat (lean meat one per cent). I bet you you can't even find the folds of their vaginas because they're hidden beneath all the other 300,674 thousand layers of fat.

They've probably got an emergency ham sandwich tucked in somewhere there in case their pockets ever run out of space.

I mean, they're just probably insecure.

"Who are her? She just stole away our friend, lorz!" they moan and groan to all their other FF.

"Aww. Don't be the sadz. She is just a bee-yotch and our friend will soon be sick of the floozy. Here, have another ham sandwich," their FF console.

And then life is all good for the FF - but just only till they run out of ham sandwiches.

Read More...

hello, light and dark

I've been a pessimist for nearly my whole life. I only started taking a more optimistic approach on life a mere few years ago - after experiencing my first much-in-love relationship after which a crash-and-burn episode spurred me to get involved in a half-a-year programme of being buddy-buddy with the shrink.

Being optimistic is disgusting. It makes you all weepy when you discover that the little glimmer of hope is smashed up, yet again. Oh, but we never learn, we never do.

Hope. That's another word that disgusts me. Oftentimes I am at odds with myself as to this matter. Should I be hopeful or abandon all hope? The cynic side of me prefers to take the negative stand so as to avoid further pain (because I've already taken measures to be ready for it when it happens) but at the same time, I cannot but feel hope for something that may not even materialise.

I find a bread crumb in a forest and suddenly, I believe that I may find my way out after all? Stupid stuff. I'm not in some cartoon.

Why do I need to hope? Why do I hope? Why can't I just hold on to the belief that the end is always inevitably disappointing?

You know I am scared. I know that too. I have the option of not even putting my foot forward but I do, moving two steps to the front and going back a step. After all that shuffling back and forth, what remains is that at the end of the day I have still progressed a step. And that, for you, is proof that my hope for a positive end reigns.

Sadness is what propels me to hope for a miracle that can end it all.

Read More...

utter random bs

On the rare occasion do I find myself unable to write. Like today.

So if I wanted to be obnoxiously random, I'd have to say this: Small penises (anything less than six inches in length) scare me. And circumcised penises look plain ugly.

Big mushrooms anyone?

Read More...

my joyeux noel

If I thought that I couldn't possibly embarrass myself any further in front of my new-found friend - what with my crazy antics, tongue-slips and tripping over my own feet by the sidewalk - I totally pulled off the biggest embarrassing moment of my life by getting all teary-eyed on his shoulder.

That was totally unexpected and uncalled for.

I don't make a habit of pulling diva stunts like that in public or even in the presence of my closest friends (and I can be a diva at times) and it's been ages since I last cried, for real. The bawling incident after I elbowed The Dog in his midsection doesn't count. That was an upset episode I had. Last night's was more of the emotional kind.

I can't remember exactly what was said to me. They were special things and nice things and encouraging things. Touched, I lunged for him and then suddenly the tears came. I was so embarrassed that I laughed out loud.

I think he was freaked out though. (But he wouldn't admit it.)

It's been too long. Too long since I last cried with feeling, good ones, not bad. Too long since someone touched my heart as he did. Too long since I can call myself a 'girlfriend'.

If anyone asks, I'm going to say that I'm going to have a Merry Christmas (Joyeux Noel) this year. If anyone asks, I'm going to say that he is my special friend.

But if he asks then I'll just be saucy and say to him: Noel, will you like to have me for Christmas this year?

Read More...

uh-oh, we're in trouble

I think I'm in trouble... and I don't like it. Of all days for my work to start becoming all exciting and shit, it just had to happen today. And it's not the good kind of excitement too.. Dammit.

Can I just crawl into a hole and die?

Maybe I should stop with all this probe writing crap. Stick to safe topics. Street lamps that don't work and garbage that hasn't been collected for over a week. Boring stuff. But safe. No possibility of a lawsuit looming over my head. No fretting over whether I had made a mistake or misunderstood a fact or not.

I want to crawl into a hole and die.

Read More...

pog and me: part 1

How do you educate a Hedgepog? I was playing with Pog this morning and letting it roam all over my jean-clad thigh and guess what? It left a smudge of green poo in its wake. Ewww... short of yelling at the thing, there's no way I could smack it because that would be more pain for me than for the prickly critter so I hurriedly dumped it back in its home, rushed to the loo to wipe the poo off and then rushed off to work.

But before I left, I gave instructions to my mom to get the hamster ball Melisa lent me cleaned up so Pog could have a walk around the house. Its home is, while spacious, is a dull enclosure with four transparent plastic walls. Everytime we take it out, it will sniff at everything and want to roam all over the place. Keeping an eye on it all the time is tedious. The cat's up and about and we don't want poo all over the space. The hamster ball is a protective way for it to go about and since it's big enough, we don't have to worry about looking into every little nook and cranny for the little guy - if we ever lose sight of it.

I used to have a hedgehog soft toy when I was a tot. My mom thinks Pog looks just as the toy did. I think Pog is lovely. I love its little snout and I love its little legs. It has two beady black eyes that glisten and a soft underbelly. I love Pog. Pog's going to live to be fifty. Now, it's only three-months old and eating dry cat food like nobody's business.

The only regret I have is that I can't take Pog with me to bed. It's too prickly.

Read More...

what keeps me sane

These days, a sense of stability has come over me.

Stable? Me? Now that's a word you'd hardly think of associating with me. Ever. Despite my lack of expression - on my face, in my voice, my gestures and the lacking of empathy - inside has always been of a different story, with emotions of a volatile kind.

It must be because of his presence in my life, my new friend whom you will start hearing of a bit more often from now on.

I don't know what makes me feel this way. Is it his mellowness that is rubbing off on me? Could it be his relaxed nature that puts me at ease?

He makes me feel very ordinary yet very special. With him, I am me and so much more. I am not just a friend or a comrade from a rival company. He praises me for my intellect and laughs at my absurdities. He puts up with me in so many ways that it amazes me and scares me as to how patient and obliging he can be.

He laughs at me with me, and I laugh with him at him. Every day we are full of laughs and smiles, and he told me that he likes it whenever he sees me grinning back at him like a mad person from the inside of my car during the times I come to pick him up for dinner near his place.

To him, I am not just a girl, childish and full of weird humour. I am also a woman, beautiful and sexy and desired. And I like that. I like the fact that I can be this and that with him instead of this or that, which was and still is the case with so many others.

But I am scared. Still. Of the unknowns and the yet-to-be-felt pain. I've been hurt enough, I think. I've been lied to enough, I think. I am scared that I cannot measure up to become the person he idealises. And I worry that my grand plan of presenting him with a pair of socks as a token of our friendship will fall flat on its face.

Many, many things scare me.

He is good to allay me of my fears (although the way he does it in his strange joking way irks me to no end sometimes). He is good to me. He is good to everyone. I wish he will be more good to me. I wish he will continue to be good to me.

Recently, I have a desire to make him happy and being a naturally happy person, I worry that I cannot make him happier than anyone, anything and any place could. So I had to ask because I don't know how I can make him happier.

And he said that I need only be there and that would be enough for him.

What? Not socks?

Could a girl be any happier?

Read More...

bored prose

I'm waiting for the time to pass,
and I'm waiting for my Thai dinner.
I'm meeting with a secret someone,
and things just couldn't get better.

Read More...

because i'm having pms

Simply put, I don't like it when you're with her because she doesn't like me and I don't like her anymore.

Read More...

miow

I'm a happy girl today!

Because:
1. Pog the hedgehog is at home.
2. I have candy to chew on.
3. I have new books to read.
4. I bought cute new lingerie.
5. I was kissed last night.

Read More...

stupid answers for stupid people

I overheard in the grapevine the other day that there are people questioning why there are people interested in me.

Why, it doesn't seem possible when she's just a homely looking thing, was the general consensus. In addition to other things like: I have no pride in dressing (jeans and tees, anyone?) and my strange, off-putting humour.

At least I don't have an ass with the breadth of an ocean.

Or syphilis.

So. I'm this homely looking thing.

I lack the elegance of Daphne Iking and the exotic looks of Deborah Priya Henry. Nor the height of Chelsia Ng and the larger-than-life personality of Nell Ng. I don't have the talents of Aishah Sinclair nor the sensuality of Fasha Sandha.

It would seem that I am a retrograde in every aspect of being a woman.

Am I that vile a creature?

Read More...

sore no na wa...

His name is...

I am going to Ikea today to buy myself a nice, new, comfy swivel chair. I am going to buy lunch for my family because I haven't had lunch with them - outside - for a long time. I am going to Ikano then to find myself a new hedgehog friend.

I'm going to call him Pog. Short for Hedgepog. But I think my mom will corrupt that and give him a Japanese name instead.

I wonder if I can find Pog today? I wonder if I can take Pog with me to bed. I hope Pog won't poo so much.

Read More...

looooooooo

I'm dying of boredom. I'm dying of boredom.

I'm depressed. And anxious. And wondering why he can't ever, ever, ever, ever say 'no'.

I'm waiting for the minutes to pass by, I'm bidding my time. Waiting to go off. Waiting to go home. To find solace under the covers, on my bed, my comfy mattress. And dream the dreams that will never come true.

Ah, I long to be anywhere else but here. Right now, this time, right now.

I'm bored.

Read More...

bahasa indah: versi orang cantik

1. Bekas kekasih saya adalah :
Seekor anjing. Anjing yang dadanya penuh berbulu. Sememangnya dia adalah pukimak yang paling besar di dalam dunia ini dan namanya ialah... oh ya. Anjing tidak memerlukan nama. Anjing yang tidak tahu berdisplin hanya perlu ditendang.

2. Saya sedang mendengar :
Bunyi penghawa dingin di ofis. Sungguh dingin, sehinggakan saya perlu membungkuskan diri dengan kain selimut berbulu sintetik.

3. Mungkin saya patut:
Mati sahaja. Ataupun, menjadi bidadari cinta. Barangkali saya perlu berbaring-baring di atas lantai sambil berguling-guling menunjukkan tanda tidak berpuas hati dengan kehidupan saya.

4. Saya suka :
(Kote besar.) Wangi-wangian berbaukan buah-buah seperti ceri, epal dan anggur. Ramza Beoulve, watak protagonis Final Fantasy Tactics yang akan saya mengahwini satu hari nanti.

5.Sahabat-sahabat baik saya :
Adalah haiwan-haiwan pelik yang akan kerap bergelak-ketawa bersama saya.

6.Saya tak paham :
Kenapa perlunya bulu ketiak, sesuatu fenomena yang tidak ada kegunaan dalam hidup lagi menjijikkan.

7.Saya kehilangan :
Impian untuk mencampak pisang tanduk kepada David Archuletta kerana tidak berpeluang untuk menghadiri konsertnya. Saya juga pernah hilang seluar dalam semasa aktiviti jamboree pengakap di Sarawak pada sembilan tahun yang lepas.

8.Ramai yang berkata :
Saya terlalu pelik. Biarkanlah mereka. Mereka yang terlalu normal sampai membosankan sebenarnya.

9.Makna nama saya :
Ayu lagi cantik. Ya, memang pun saya cantik.

10.Cinta itu adalah:
Penipuan semata-mata.

11.Di suatu tempat, seseorang sedang :
Merana akibat sakit cirit-birit yang terlampau amat.

12.Saya akan cuba :
Untuk menjadi impian untuk seluruh dunia.

13.Ayat SELAMANYA membawa maksud :
Sampai mati.

14.Telefon bimbit saya :
Tidak berbau kentut.

15.Bila saya terjaga dari tidur :
Saya sudah berbogel.

16.Saya paling meluat apabila :
Ternampak tahi kucing di tepi jalan. Dan yang sewaktu dengannya.

17.Pesta/Parti adalah :
Aktiviti jamuan makan yang wajib dihidangkan cola, piza dan ubi kentang.

18.Haiwan yang paling comel yang saya pernah temui ialah :
Tapir.

19.Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan bagi saya ialah :
Saya pernah berseronok ke?

20.Hari ini :
Saya telah cirit-birit di tandas ofis setelah meminum beberapa teguk kopi Starbucks.

21.Malam ini saya akan :
Melancap sambil memikirkan adegan-adegan lucah.

22.Esok pula saya akan :
Menjadi lebih cantik, buah-buah dada juga akan kian membesar.

23.Saya betul-betul inginkan :
(Kote besar.) Ilmu hitam.

24.Ketika anda lihat wajah anda di hadapan cermin pagi ini :
Oh. Saya masih menyerupai diri saya.

25.Pusat membeli-belah atau arked permainan :
Adalah tempat di mana tempat-tempat meletak kereta sangat susah untuk dicari pada hujung minggu.

26.Makanan Barat atau Jepun :
Jepun.

27.Bilik yang terang atau gelap :
Gelap. Menjimat elektrik dan bil elektrik dengan tidak memasang lampu.

28.Makanan segera adalah :
Sedap kalau dimakan sekali-kala.

29.Ayat terakhir yang anda katakan pada seseorang?
Fuck. (Fuck tetap fuck dimana-mana di dunia.)

Read More...

AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

"My shot is faster. Or my name's not Balthier."

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Balthier is just too dreamy. And that voice!! Oh, that voice!! I WISH TO BE SEDUCED BY THAT VOICE.

I am wobbling. Wobbling wobbling teeter-tottering on my seat.

Can I faint? Can I swoon?

I'm swwwwooooniiinnnggggg.

BALTHIER!!!!!!!!!!!

Read More...

my love ramza 2

AAAAHHHHH!!!!

I just realised. That there's been an updated version of the Final Fantasy Tactics game - Final Fantasy Tactics: Shishi Senso. And this time, with the addition of two unlockable secret characters, there are cel-shaded cutscenes to replace the previous cutscenes featuring super-deformed characters.

NOOOO!!!!!!

I don't have a PSP!!!!!!!

RAMZAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

AND GAFGARION!!!!!!!

AND ALGUS!!!!!!!

I hate Delita. He's a baddie who took all the credit and became king.

Ah, why can't I have a boyfriend who is as gentle as Ramza? And so... so boyish. And cute. And noble. And straight as an arrow.

I will go to battle with him!

For the peace and sanctity of Ivalice!

I want to marry Ramza.

DAMMIT!!!!!!

I'm going to listen to this and cry.

Anyway, there's going to be a Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2 game. But I couldn't care less. I played FFTA and didn't like it all that much. No other FF game has a story as deep as FFT's. Nevermind that the ending was just so out of the world and sucky. All FF games' storylines are like that.

Oh, Ramza! Wherefore art thou?

I think I know who I'll be cosplaying this year.

Read More...

my love ramza

Oh god!!! Adrenaline rush!!!!!

I LOVE RAMZA BEOLVE.

I've always loved him since the first time I picked up the Final Fantasy Tactics game for the Sony PlayStation.

Well.. actually no. I thought it was a strange game with super-deformed characters without mouths and noses, their feet shuffling and arms swinging as they stood on 'squares' that make up the game's terrain.

More of a strategy RPG than an actual action-based RPG, the storyline was what drew me to loving the game. That, and of course, the protagonist, Ramza.

RAMZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart beats in excitement everytime I listen to the first attack song.

You can listen to it here here.

Read More...

the love

I love cherries. Not maraschino cherries, just cherries of the fresh variety.

I got myself a tub of The Body Shop's body butter in that scent and it smells gorgeous. I ought to get the body gel next. It's divine.

Nothing perks me up more than a little pick me up - in which case, it is the pampering of thy self. A slather of something wonderfully scented always works some magic on me when I'm feeling down. So be it a foot care cream or a mud mask, the little things I do for myself to show that I care for myself is an important factor that keeps my well-being up. It just won't do to be stinky and stuff.

And I love The Body Shop's products.

But that's just me, with my somewhat bourgeois tastes.

Read More...

red and purple lipsticks

"She wants to touch me, woo ooh,
She wants to love me, woo ooh,
She'll never leave me, woo ooh, woo ooh, ooh ooh,
Don't trust a ho, never trust a ho,
Won't trust a ho 'cause the ho won't trust me. - Don't Trust Me, 3OH!3

Hold me close tonight and discard me when the morning comes.

Boku ni wa kiseki ga mienai.
(I do not see miracles.)

Read More...

what does thine heart tell thee?

The (modern, technology-savvy) Indian astrologer from Little India in Penang told me that I will constantly be in a state of indecisiveness until I hit 30.

I dare not say how true his predictions are but indecisiveness has always been a central part of me for as long as I can remember. And this plagues me.

I wonder if it stems in part from my longstanding love-hate relationship with my basketful of insecurities.

A friend and I shared a 'joke' last night of one-stop centres (OSCs) and the manual roundabout way of local council bureaucracies, following yesterday's pointless assignment - a press conference (more like a two-minute announcement) on how local councils in the state are looking at improving the OSCs public delivery system without even letting reporters know how they plan on going about in achieving that (ah, I hate Ronnie Liu).

The gist of the conversation was that maybe, in the context of guys and girls and SEX, guys would rather visit 'OSCs' than to waste their time dealing with 'bureaucracies' the traditional way with all the red tape, the excuses, delays, etc.

This whole conversation was the result of a much prior conversation (bitching and gossiping, actually) of two girls we know who have a knack of getting themselves into scandalous situations with absolutely dodgy characters.

Anyway, guess which category of girls I fall into. (Hint, not the first one.)

Well, yeah, I'm going about this in a roundabout way as usual but the point I'm trying to make is that my indecisiveness (coupled with my insecurities) is the current stumbling block in making certain... things... happen.

I guess it's suffice to say that maybe it's something of a good thing, considering the kind of trouble an ignoramus like myself tends to fall into but. But but but but. I can't be this way forever.

Oh, bleeding heart! (O! Happy dagger!)

What is it that I feel in my heart?

Read More...