a little bit of contemplation

Don't tell me how I know but a person can't be ignorant forever. There are means of acquiring the proper 'channels' to find out what is said about you behind your back and most certainly, if you wanted to keep something secret from the entire world the only foolproof way of doing that is to just shoot yourself dead.

Plenty of things I found, I found out too late. I also found out through the hard way that by the time I knew, too much damage had been done. And that they were irreversible.

Sometimes the 'victim' in me lashes out by seeking out the reasons as to how I could have ended up in a lot of shit. Why are people so cruel to me?

The best thing is always to try my best to shrug it off and chalk it up as part of my experiences in growing up. The most important thing though, is to learn from that.

Unfortunately, sometimes I don't and history has an uncanny way of repeating itself and it has, in a few occasions.

Right now though, all of that are behind me.

That was after a really bad second experience totally woke me up for good from the lies that I was living in (after the first bad experience, I went into denial and at some point convinced myself that it was a mistake that wasn't supposed to end up the way it had).

Unfortunately, not everyone is as fortunate.

Like the girl who always knew what a cheat her boyfriend was, still is and will always be. She gets hurt time and time again, writing letters to her boyfriend to voice out her pain, her disappointment that she is finally, "leaving you for good". Yet, she never does leave because he knows all the right things to say and do.

Sometimes it ain't the right move to put your vulnerable heart on a platter and serve it to a manipulating person - gives them even more of an ammunition to break your heart apart.

I still wish that she will wake up from this 'sleepwalking' soon. Same as the many others, who are being cheated.

I used to be in their position. I am thankful that I am no longer there.