it's called strategising

All my life, I have been plagued with mediocrity. I was always never pretty enough, never smart enough, never talented enough, never popular enough - you see, the list doesn't quite end because I was born a mediocre person.

I'm going to stop being mediocre and this is going to change by taking charge of the things in my life which I can actually make improvements on, or even, change drastically.

It makes me sound like I am unhappy with my life. You are who you are, be happy with the person you are!, you might say but well, there's always something bigger out there and if you think I'm all ready a great person, thank you, but I don't want to be great - I want to be fab.

I have my shortcomings and I can lament about them the whole day but I am going to overcome them and rise above my state of mediocrity. I will become fab. Being fab means I am in control of my life. I believe that if I can become beautiful, confident and happy, good things will come to me. And good things WILL come.

Control is something quite important to me and I will have my occasional stumbles, but as long as I don't lose sight of my goals then control and achievement will be attainable. So what if it's all about me, me, me? As long as I do not hurt others in the process of developing myself to become a better person, it ought to be fine.

It's also way easier being all about myself because I only have me to deal with, unlike being in a relationship where you have another person with different ideas, goals and limitations to deal with. And in relationships, the emotional factor comes into play and me, emotional me, has a habit of fucking things up all the time.

About where I want to go with my career, for example, is simpler. I create a goal and I move towards it. If I fail, I can try again. It's only game over when I've given up on myself.

In a relationship, it's game over if the other person decides to kill you in the middle of the game and steals all the tokens away from you. Huh.

So it's like that and I can tell you that there is no mention of a relationship anywhere in my master plan. It makes everything professional that way.