Attack of the frilly pink knickers - 25 things about moi

1. A new mole appeared on my face on Feb 29, 2009. It's location - above my lip towards my left cheek. Sexy? I think it makes me look evil when I smile. Now I'm considering getting it removed - but not before finding out from a fortune teller if it will bring me good luck or it starts growing hair - whichever comes first.

2. There's a big pimple on my right bum. I scrub my bum with a pair of pink loofah gloves from Body Shop every three days as an exfoliating measure. I have no idea why it's there. It had better not be there forever.

3. I am always at the heart of gossip. It just comes with the hotness, dah-link. I realise that I'm slowly becoming like my idol, Britney (Spears, if you didn't know), who always gets bitched about the worst kinds of things. Well, that suits me fine. Brit's pretty hot these days. That just means I'm going to become hotter too. So bitch on babies, bitch on. At least I don't have a crooked nose.

4. I love perfume miniatures and heels. Heels have helped me with my posture over the years (and also, thanking my mom for using my salary to buy me a chiropractic mattress) and they make me taller, sexier and naturally, very hot. Oh, so hot. I know so because I've been told that. I keep a miniature Vera Wang Princess in my bag. It must be noted that I do not have BO. BO is you. Not me. Not ever.

5. I think I look hotter now than I used to. Now all I need to do is to polish on my swagger...

6. The best way to kill someone is with rat poo. Find a few grains of rat poo, grind 'em up and mix the stuff with some good old Nescafe 3-in-1. The fellow gets affected by the hantavirus and after two weeks of fever and tummy upsets, he dies. A great way to kill without drawing suspicion to your self. Just blame the deceased fellow for not keeping the hygiene in his kitchen.

7. Scratch #5. I am so hot.

8. I am waiting to receive F-cup Cookies from my friends as my birthday gift. Melisa says I can't go further than a C-cup. All I want is to go up one size - and it's still a B. (Not A. A is your Ah Lian neighbour's cup size.)

9. I am a firm believer that the Malayan tapir should replace the tiger as our sports mascot. Why? There are four species of tapirs in the world and the Malayan tapir is the only variant to come in black and white. The other three variants are brown and look like boars. By the way, Michael taught me that the female wears the underpants while the male wears the waist band.

10. Maybe I will like receiving a breast pump for my birthday.

11. 95% of people in the world are voyeurs. You know I'm special when I say I'm an exhibitionist. That's why I got myself onto reality TV in the first place. And because I'm hot. Like Britney.

12. Knows that a lot of bitches (and bastard) hate her - but that's to be expected. It's because I'm hot. Hot people get a hating like nobody's business all the time. It's like how everyone hates Paris Hilton. Say what you like, but she has all the money and the looks. The car. The TV show. Whatever. And you... you have your flabby tummies. Ha!

13. Is sitting next to a moron at the moment.

14. Used to date a moron. Well, a few morons. Even kissed some.

15. Attracts morons. Hmm.. I was gonna mention it but maybe I should leave out the racist remark.

16. Loves baked sweet potato pie with a vengeance.

17. Wonders why Najmuddin is always so horribly late to everything. He's gonna be late to his own funeral too, I tell you. Maybe he is constipated? Or too caught up plucking the hair off his chest?

18. Never makes the first move in holding a guy's hand.

19. Has very promiscuous friends, some with incredibly big bosoms.

20. Read the instructions on my cat's shampoo bottle today. It read: "Wet cat completely".

21. Still cries when she reads the part where Matthew Cuthbert says to Anne Shirley in L.M. Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables, "My girl, my girl that I'm proud of". He dies in the next chapter.

22. Secretly reads hentai manga online. Now it's no longer a secret.

23. Wonders if she will get flowers for Valentine's Day this year. Maybe not. At least a bottle of weed killer will do. There's plenty use for weed killer these day's when you're super hot, attract a lot of morons and the envy of bitches.

24. The first word I uttered was 'bird'. My mom was greatly disappointed in me. She still is sometimes.

25. I think my dad should let me wear miniskirts. Don't you agree?