utter random rubbish again

I wave it in your face, the magic wand that grants you your deepest desire. In a poof of pink glitter and silver spangles, you are transported to a world of purple unicorns and little green men - Leprechauns, not aliens of the Roswell variety.

Oh, golly gee! Leprechauns! Mama, let's have a Leprechaun for breakfast. We'll strip his flesh from limb to limb, sautee the meat with white truffle sauce and serve them with cotton-soft pancakes!

And he fell into the ravine and landed smack on his face. But he didn't die. Instead, he was met with a sight so bizarre he just knew that he ought to have stayed in bed that morning. Penises the size of a little tree were sprouting from the ground. Oh, golly gee. He wished he could whack himself on the head with a hammer but there were only penises. Sprouting from the ground.

So the fairy appeared. Her name was Magda. She had green teeth and purple wings, with a hideous pink dress that only someone as daft as Paris Hilton will covet. She did a little jig atop a red toadstool, flashed her boobs at a passing gnome and felt as pleased as punch. I could do this my whole life, she thought.

I et ice-cream for dessert. It was bee-yoo-tee-fool. Just like a 'rangutan. And it tasted like poo.