the ex-files

I've been contacting my ex recently and we were talking about making plans to meet up for drinks. The last time I saw him was last April and we weren't on talking terms at all until maybe around the time when my mom got admitted into the hospital for dengue. When was this? Maybe a month ago?

So well, being the ass that he is, he has been making 'jokes' suggesting we get drunk and check into a room. Shit like that.

I don't put up with shit like that.

I told him flat out that there is no way in hell I'm going to hop into bed with him, no strings attached or not. He was lousy in bed. He never gave oral. And pretty bad after service too. Who'd want to do it with a guy who'd after doing the deed rolls over to his side and won't pay any attention to the girl?

His excuse for not giving head? He had a nasty run-in with some chick with a smelly cunt. Fuck that man. He won't even give me any after he'd seen me taking a shower. As if his dick smells so fragrant.

Ass.

He got a bit insecure when I told him that I went out with an Indian guy after him. I cracked that joke about how you can't go back when you've gone black and that seemed to have hit at all his insecurities. OK. Technically speaking, a black should be some African sort of guy. But let's just take it that the de facto 'black' in Malaysia are (on the most side) Indians. (And also said to have the biggest schlongs among the three major races in the country.)

He stammered at me: Is it true?
Me: What is?
Him: That when you go black you can't go back?
Me: I dunno. I still haven't found anyone worth fancying that's not black. But the guy was big, I'll say.
Him: How big?
Me: Oh. Way bigger than you. Long.
Him: Oh. So you're saying I'm small lah? Hehehehe...
Me: Hmm.. I guess yours is OK. Definitely smaller than his.
Me: And he had great stamina." (I just had to add this.)
Him: Oh.
Me: Anyway, you don't give me oral.

For the Chink, who's more than a little racist towards Indians, particularly the furry-chested alpha males, hearing that he was not the best screw in my lineup of boyfriends (count 'em - four) was a painful hit below the belt.

He used to make a fuss whenever he saw a Chinese girl out with an Indian guy. He'd raise hell and make statements like oh, Indian guys are stealing their girls so there's less of them pretty slanty-eyes for guys like him and how the girls are betraying their kind and shit.

Maybe if he cared to be more thoughtful towards a girl's needs...

Or not.

Size DOES matter after all.

I don't think I can go back. I've gone black.

DAMMIT.