things you need to know

Insecure men are such turn-offs.

I had a recent 'experience' with yet another one of those kinds of men and while I was a lot kinder this time around when I was telling him that he didn't make the cut, he didn't take it too well. He didn't get mad or anything. He just started gibbering like some prissy diva about how he'll never find someone like me anywhere else in the world and golly gee, how unlucky it is that he will have to settle for a mediocre girl now I refuse to stay in the same picture as he.

And man, oh man... was it such a chore trying to drill the positive messages into his thick skull. The guy was just bursting with negative vibes.

I had to reassure him that it wasn't that he was ugly (he is definitely not ugly, but not my type) but that there just wasn't any chemistry. Among other things.

I felt kinda sorry for the guy. He struck me as someone I used to be many years ago when I was a whole lot more insecure about myself than I am right now, only a bit more worse.

It sucks that he is still that way even after all these years but as I learned the hard way, confidence can only come from yourself. While the struggle to break free against the confinements that have molded you into becoming an 'insignificant' person is a labourious process with full of defeats along the way, you can never get over your insecurities unless you learn to climb the hurdles life puts in front of you.

Like for me, I beat the surrounding people's (and my own) perception of who I am by joining a reality show. Maybe it's the most absurd thing to do for a lot of people but hey, I showed people that there are things that I can do. I surprised them all, didn't I? And it feels good although I didn't win to be able to tell people that I was on TV.

I will keep on challenging myself. I will keep on falling along the way but no matter. I will just have to pick myself up, dust the sand off my knees and continue my way.

I will evolve into a more confident person. You'll see.