depression is a quaint shade of brown

I is depressed. Is you know why is I depressed? I is depressed because I stumbled upon something I shouldn't has seen. Of course, the thing is I seen is what I has expected all along but knowing and suspecting is always, always two different things:

Suspecting is having the luxury of the small little voice in the head dismissing the bad idea as just being a bad idea thought up by a precocious mind. Knowing is having the voice of reality telling the little voice in the head that no, is you cannot dismiss it as just being a work of imagination because it is TRUE.

Is not a good feeling at all.

That is explanation for why I is depressed.

I is not the only one, yes, I know.

I know that all the words he tells me is fake words. And probably all the gestures is fake too.

Of course, I has already established that to you many, many times in the past. You know so. You read my blog.

So why do I keep making same mistake? Why do I make myself hurt again and again?

Will repetitive pain bear immunity?

Will repetitive belittling bear humility?

I is wanting to be immune to this thing called depression.

I is not want to be a quaint shade of brown.

I is want to be like the blazing sun. More fiery, brighter than anyone.

But sun gets put out sometime. Sun not shine forever. Oh yes it do, in the darkness of universe but not here when day turn to night and there is no sun. The sun is not always powerful here.

So it dies and returns. Still bright. Still fiery.

Hot.

I is not wanting to be depressed no more.