a tribute to you

The things that we want most, are always the things that we never get. Are they not so?

A colleague shared with me last night that he is thinking of leaving the company due to certain employee benefit issues that had been plaguing him since he received his first salary. For some unknown reason, he is the only permanent (and that means non-contract) staff who has been missing out on his EPF and SOCSO contributions. He has been with the company for eleven months.

It's a valid cause for wanting to leave although he has other demands, like a salary raise because he feels that he is one of those who is contributing more to the company.

He already has an offer waiting for him outside and hopes that the company will be able to match the pay offered to him. However, he has little hope that the company will agree.

For all his flaws (which we all come with) and the occasional diva tantrum (which I have been wont to throw once in a while too), it will be a waste to see him go.

It is his choice though, as to whether he leaves or not.

I'd been thinking about it for a good part of last night. This is not the first time he had thought about leaving but somehow I got the feeling that this would be the one situation that will put the gears into motion for him.

The truth is, I don't want him to go.

We have a strange relationship, me and this colleague of mine. At work, we despise each other. Outside... either the affection is real or made up.

To a lot of people, our friendship status is not known. Heck, even I question the veracity of our friendship sometimes.

I don't love him, oh no. I've realised a long time ago that I can't have what I want the most. He has also hurt me too many times with his words and his actions but the pain slowly diminishes as I get used to the idea that this is all ephemeral. He is an important part of my life but not the most important.

But I wonder... if I will be able to function should he leave? It is that mixture of love and hate, envy and awe, anger and affection that propels me to do better. He is my rival and if he leaves... there will no longer be anyone who can spur me to fight and enjoy the challenges of wanting to come out on top.

My heart feels so divided...

Why did I have to meet you?