to the one i cannot name part two

It's funny.

Things ended but I am not crying. Does this mean that I am a stronger person now? Does this mean that I am in denial? Does this mean that my feelings for you were that trivial? Or does this mean that I have resigned myself to the inevitable end ages ago?

But I still feel in my heart for you, and that is not a lie.

Ah, how hollow it feels to be yearning for the experiences we shared before all the things that had caused the breaks in the cracks in our 'exclusive' relationship had come to surface!

The first time I noticed you, was when I'd come in really late into the office in the wee hours of the morning, fresh from a shoot in Taiping. The first time I talked to you was that evening itself. I had two boxes of donuts to distribute and I offered you one, bursting into aimless chatter which had you laughing. I liked you instantly.

In the coming days, I will purposely come to the office and stay till late, just so I'd catch a conversation with you. We started flirting, shared our own inside jokes and ventured into a territory where we were just comfortable with each other.

Do you remember... the stolen touches in the office, when we used to sit next to each other? The nasi lemak dates? Kisses in the lift? Staring at the stars outside your house as we munched on Mars bars and guzzled apple juice? How carefree we used to be then - and it wasn't even such a long time ago!

Good things will always come to pass. I know that. I can only console myself that I have other things going for me, that a better man will come into my life. The truth is... were things different, I'd have been willing to stick with you. Despite all our petty arguments. Yeah. Because I loved you, you know?

"I like to hear (you say that you love me) but I like it better if you mean it."

I mean every single word I've ever said to you.

Good luck to both of us. If only things were different... and I wasn't Malay... and you weren't Indian.