why do we keep on fighting?

Yesterday, the one who uttered the harsh words that he will no longer have anything to do with me called. I must be getting used to this because I wasn't all that surprised when I saw his name flashing on my phone display. I suppose he must have been curious, or that his ego caught him by the elbow and told him, look, this is where you butt in and tell the girl that no friend she has is as big, as kind, as generous, etc. as you.

Which was sort of what the gist of the conversation was about anyway.

Ours is a volatile sort of relationship. Hot and cold. A wave of serenity followed by the eruption of a volcano. I wonder if these are the things which draw us to each other. The drama, the excitement, the sheer un-predictability of all the elements which make us and break us.

Little things can easily break the peace, and the repercussions can be great. Just like throwing a small pebble into the lake, creating ripples far and wide. Yet, eventually the ripples will peter out and once more, calm is restored as the pebble gently sinks to the bottom of the lake, filling it up with the memory of the little object which had caused the disturbance to take place.

Despite all that, when we move away, we find ourselves coming together. We find an attraction between us that sometimes, is hard to ignore.

Really, what sort of a relationship is this? We hurt and we get hurt. The cycle continues, we return for more.

He came to see me last night - a peace-making outing that half-way snaked itself into yet another full-blown argument before the steam let off and we were back to being friends again. We talked of work, the things we wanted to do in the future, traded advice on the ill situations in our life. We ate at McDonald's.

He looked at me, admired me openly. Tucked my hair gently behind my ear. He held my hand and I held his. He asked for a kiss and I touched my lips to his before we arrived back at my gate.

I really don't know how I feel for him. Love sometimes, lust sometimes, admiration sometimes, anger and jealousy and frustration combined too.

Maybe I want to keep him by my side. Because I see parts of 'myself' mirrored in in him - the past, the present and the future. We're too similar, yet we are different and this is why we will keep on fighting.